Will start my new blog with some relevant posts from the old one - kind of like a semi introduction.
so here goes:
June 19
Wanted: Prince Charming
I've had one of those days when in the morning - everything went wrong - work wise! and u end up thinking 'Why did I not do that secretarial course - 9 baje aao, 6 baje niklo?'. I've decided the best solution to get out of this rut is to get married - that way I will sit at home and my most stressful question will be what color should I paint my nails today??
So I'm looking for Prince Charming whose criteria I shall list below:
- Rich - for obvious reasons.....no point getting married if I have to still work
- Tall - this is so I can have tall kids.....everyone knows I'm barely off the ground so if I co-produce with someone short, my kids will be dwarves
- Good looking - for my own fun
- Entertaining - I have the attention span the size of an ant....he needs to be able to keep it - my mother says I need a clown since obvious I want someone to juggle for me!!
- Nice - this is missable....if I had to drop one of the criteria, ths would be it! Hey I'm nice enough for everybody
- Intelligent - this is a prerequisite tho definitions of intelligence are different - mine is more of a smart, knows how to talk, street savvy kind of person definitely not intellectual tho, more personality driven perhaps
May 26
What do I do?
Today I had to explain what I do and I must admit it sounds really cool...there are some perks to working with the entertainment industry [ok - forget the fact office is next to my house - additional bonus!!], it's that one gets to talk about cool stuff for a living. Artist Management, Media, Customisation, customerisation - these are all terms that one learnt in the marketing text book [Philip Kotler Zindabad, May Al Ries and Jack Trout live long as well] and you actually get to use them in daily existence!! I don't think the work is all that glamorous - it's the perks that make the job worthwhile!! Music launches, kaan awards, movie premieres, free stuff...yay the list goes on!!
Went to Eleven Echoes in Juhu today - yes was finally dragged to the distant suburb and in turn dragged townie there but both of us have vowed never again - the positive points just dont out weigh the distance tho 11 echoes is really pretty!!
Actually wanted to see Shootout at Lokhandwala - the movie - based on true rumours [ok that is the whole title] but decided friday night is drinking night instead so will see movie tomorrow since have to haul ass out of bed early in any case since for some reason decided will work on a saturday as well - DUH is me!! and to top it all off, I have to go to Gwalior Tank to some random place for Still shots or stock shots or something along those lines - if someone can please elaborate what exactly I'm looking for - I will be forever grateful [ indebted is a better word, do u think??]!! anyhow someone please tell me how to get there and then what to do once I'm there!! I will be forever 'indebted'!!
Since going to work tomorrow, must sleep at reasonable hour which implies now but since not sleepy will continue posting for one's own pleasure! Finished reading Shadow lines by Amitav Ghosh yesterday - highly recommended by literary minded friends....I like the book but I'm not raving about it if you know what I mean - It gave me a sense of unfinishment [ ok ok I create words] - I think what I mean is unfulfilled but its more like the story did not cleanly end for me - unfulfilled is definitely present but it left me feeling unfinished - maybe it's one of those books you need to read again and then a lot of things become clearer with a second comprehension. Hmmmm that is possibly not going to make sense to anybody but in my own mind I understand [ I think]. I had tried reading Glass Palace by the same author a couple of years earlier but could not get through the first couple of pages but in spite of that ploughed through this since was promised good reading [note to myself: literary friends are literary for a reason]. Literary friend + Magazine editor as opposed to literary friend + monkey porn editor [seperate posting for this story & praying she never read this], anyway literary friend + mag editor swears by Salman Rushdie and her favourite book is Midnight's Children - another book that I could not get through the first couple of pages so just goes to show that one's man passion is another one's poison [ not sure if that is the phrase, if not please correct me!!]. Going to start reading Equal Music by Vikram Seth which my father says is the best written book in English - I should check whether he means Indian authors best or like Compared to Shakespeare Best - hmmmm??? Actually going to go start reading only.....
May 17
Random ramblings!!
I was never part of this philosophy that school friends are the best friends - Ive added so many from each walk of life but there is nothing like someone who has know you all your life and loves u still....I just met some of my oldest school friends - known them at least 15 years and its so comfortable. This is not to say we've always been super comfortable - we've had months when each has not talked to at least one member and in a group of 8 -12 thts a lot of permutations & combinations!! but we've come out of it and now we sit and laugh and think 'we did that?'.
Today I met 3 of my gang of '12 apostles' from college - this is what my mom used to call them since we used to be 12 girls to seat for dinner/lunch/transport etc!! And tho we did not reminisce about old times, it's like you can do anything no matter how badly behaved and everyone is like aaah - never mind - we love her anyways!! pls note - I was only eating all the food on the table before anyone's imagination runs wild! I was like super starved and kept grabbing food off the plate before anyone else could even get to it!!
Another thing is today was the third day in a row of drinking and my system cannot handle it anymore - sheer revolt is happening - this is also because of the shady vodka from yesterday - but today my body was like retching and sweating and punishing me in the worst way possible - blocking me up!! but I was nice to it and drank a lot of water so finally opened up! not things anyone needs to know but still....Whatever happened to the good old days when we partied 5 days a week and drank for 7? running around drinking vodka with glucon D for lack of better options - when did age catch up with me and hw did I not notice???
I love the people in this new office - they are just fun and open and thre is very little politics [ not that there was a lot of politics in Radio] but still.....everyone is super helpful and noone is out to do you in [I like the way that sentence sounds!]. It's just crazy working in an office where the MD sits behind you and is super charged and knows everyone's name tho I've heard he has some really 'severe' bad moods - these are all new office terms - 'severe', 'sorted' and 'vicious' [hint from helpful ex employee]!! my boss needs to texturise everything which means give it depth.....u learn new things everyday and in this office I'm like the oldest of the young generation!!
Ive been reading this blog called the compulsive confessor and I swear its compelling reading! she just rants about her regular life and u're like me wants me wants!! I think its supposed to be one of the group blogs where different people post things - there is one specific whining page!! it's quite strange the things people put on the web nowadays - you can really spend the entire day with other's people thoughts and expressions. Its not like uve never met them and you are not likely to either but u know them in a way you might not know other people who you interact with on a physical basis daily!!
Ok - I think this entry is going nowhere so going to finish now - these are really random musing but just felt like writing so...
January 16
I will survive!!
Where do I begin?? I've had major upheavals and changes in my life in the last couple of months - S shouted at me...never had that happen before...been changed from retail to corporate with a new boss and lastly but definitely not leastly my leave is in question...something which I have been planning for the last 2 yrs is suddenly unsanctioned even though it's within all company limits....gaaah!! I have a whole new list of clients - none of which I understand, none of which I can control....but the leave issue really sucks! Have not been able to establish equation with new boss - good or bad to just inform him of decision and chuck it all....best option comes from father who says quit job - go on holiday and come back to find less stressful job...sounds like a plan!!
I seem to have entered a vicious cycle where I say I want something and act like I want it and when I get it I'm really unhappy and unhappy in a heart being squeezed kind of way - I think that's the worst kind of way....not that Ive ever seen any other kind of way but people always talk of their heart breaking....mine feels like its being squeezed and I can't breathe! I seem to make this decisions based on other people's wants - I know it's wrong in theory but having someone else say it to me makes me upset and I decided I wnt to change it and then when the change happens I run around trying to unchange it until the next opinion upsets me again be it a book also and then again but the changes always have an effect so it's like a million little changes which will eventually make the one big change....and now I think I'm rambling so will stop this tirade...I think so tired that not understanding myself or my life anymore which is the biggest change.
I've always had a semblance of control on where things are going but in the last year...it just seems to have gone haywire - I think Ive complained before....I also have to blog about the numerous weddings I have attended in the last month and the non stop activity which made me feel popular for a bit!!
October 14
Change Change Change!!
It's quite creepy but when I met the palmist and tarot reader in June, they both predicted lots of change for me in October which both advised me not to fight but accept with open arms since the changes would eventually be positive. My current dilemma is what is open arms? should I just lie down and accept the changes or should I actively champion the changes? For anyone who knows me, I generally choose the path of least resistance, I really need to be forced into taking a decision that could change my life - If I want to do something, you cannot change my mind but If I'm ambivalent then I cannot make that decision and these days in my life, the greatest emotion seems to be apathy. I am not actively trying to make decisions tho I know I need to....
I think this will give everyone an idea of whre I'm coming from - as and when I have relevant posts to link , will do so.
October 26
Harakiri!!
I think the change everyone was talking about was a change in me - I've realised who I used to be when I was younger and who I am now are completely different people in some ways - I think my overall personality has remained the same but some traits have definitely changed. I've never been very aggro but nowadays even simple confrontations seem to be traumatic - I think mainly because I'm not the ones instigating them.....and nowadays I realise I really need a reason before I draw sword and enter battle.....if I cannot see an end result, why start a battle that is already over? but that never used to be the case, If I felt slighted or wronged, I just charged and the end result was always good - unexpected maybe....but good. Sometimes the battles nowadays feel like Harakiri to me.......I think when I was younger self inflicted torture was the only torture I went through so maybe it was ok.....but now as a trying to be grown up, it seems such a waste to self flagellate when there is always a ready whip around the corner.
Now Random para's from previous blogs that are relevant in explaining where I'm coming from:
After I wrote the last blog, I met a friend who echoed my sentiments about life slipping away and I wondered if everyone is facing the same problems, how are we supposed to have productive lives with happy relationships when we have no idea where these things are? I always thought, at this age [ which seemed very far away to me then - age 25], I would have this jetsetting career with arm candy fiance and generally be very put together - instead reality is that I'm still crazy by nature, I'm not really sure which direction I want my career to take [ this has basic assumption tht I have choice which may not be true at rate I'm going], and there is no fiance, arm candy, eye candy or otherwise. I'm not sure which pains the most - since everyone's career looks to me in the same boat - but a lot of people I know are getting married and voluntarily at that, I'm not counting arranged/social constraints but people genuinely in love and I really want to know how do they know that? Is is just me whose life seems to be out of my control and I'm going with the flow or is it a phenomenon with people in general and the people getting married are the anomalies?
Now Random para's from previous blogs that are relevant in explaining where I'm coming from:
September 02
Life carries on!
U know so much stuff happens and then if you don't document that minute it all just slips away - and that's my problem just now - I think my life is slipping away!!Working leaves you no time for deep relationships and the ones you have nurtured are now also tortured since there is lack of contact - be it physical or mental...physical because you never meet and mental because everyone is so tied up in their own 'seperate' lives now that it's hard to connect the same way as when we led the same lives and were on the same page!!
After I wrote the last blog, I met a friend who echoed my sentiments about life slipping away and I wondered if everyone is facing the same problems, how are we supposed to have productive lives with happy relationships when we have no idea where these things are? I always thought, at this age [ which seemed very far away to me then - age 25], I would have this jetsetting career with arm candy fiance and generally be very put together - instead reality is that I'm still crazy by nature, I'm not really sure which direction I want my career to take [ this has basic assumption tht I have choice which may not be true at rate I'm going], and there is no fiance, arm candy, eye candy or otherwise. I'm not sure which pains the most - since everyone's career looks to me in the same boat - but a lot of people I know are getting married and voluntarily at that, I'm not counting arranged/social constraints but people genuinely in love and I really want to know how do they know that? Is is just me whose life seems to be out of my control and I'm going with the flow or is it a phenomenon with people in general and the people getting married are the anomalies?
1 comment:
'severe', 'sorted'... and 'vicious'.
You can't miss 'vicious' out.
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