To remind me....

I love you not only for what you are,
But for what I am when I am with you
I love you not only for what you have made of yourself
But for what you are making me
I love you for the part of me that you bring out.
I love you for passing over all my foolish and weak traits,
That you can't help but see
I love you for drawing out into the light my beauty,
That no one else had looked quite far enough to dim
I love you.

The wedding preps finally caught up with me yesterday - Cried thrice - only knowing the juggler is at the end of it makes it worthwhile!

Wedding preps...

• Groom - check
• Venue - check
• Church booking - check
• Marriage preparation course - check 
• Dress maker - check
• Bridesmaid - check
• Flowergirls - check
• Wedding theme+colour - check 
• Flowers - check
• Wedding checklist - check 
• Permission from Pope - ??

What's the point in planning a wedding if you don't have the permission to be married?

Thank you

Today I sat through the first day of the Marriage Preparation Course which is mandatory to be married in the Roman Catholic Church of India - In it, the things I learned today among others was the anatomy and physiology of male/female, the updated version of the Rhythm Method and esteem issues. Considering the juggler and I are 'Evolved' human beings - the course covered ground we already knew or had passed in the beginning of our relationship - making it truly a trying experience for the 2 of us and that was just the first day!

Since the juggler also made a 'mistake' in his 'youth' , we have also done a circle of marriage tribunal law, submitting documents from birth certicates to affidavits regarding practice of catholicism and children we might have and sending 4 witnesses to talk about the mistake, all so we can get married in the church.

I'm still not sure if this process is going to be worth it, but I promised myself I would do everything from my end to ensure it happens, the rest I leave in the hands of God and apparently, his chosen ones!

Through all this, I would like to say an immense 'Thank you' to the juggler for his stoicism in the face of what must be complete insanity to someone who has not been brought up in a demanding religion! To me, its just something you take for granted, that you need to earn your right to things but not-so for others. I appreciate the complete and utter committment he has made evident in this crazy rigmarole and love him much for it even if the 3 things he loves most about me are actually about him!

It's complicated!

used to be a Facebook option for a relationship status but I think everyone can choose this - whether you are married, engaged, dating or even single! 

Watching the movie of the same name, it makes you wonder what makes relationships work. In the case of Jane and Jake Adler, it had past it's sell by date - having screwed it up once, they were simply in different places and stages in their lives to make it work again - this in spite of being very well matched!

I have had timing issues with someone who most people would think would be be a perfect match but having missed the boat on several occasions, that ship has now sailed!I know of others who have found their perfect match but found it too early that they cannot hold onto it while growing as a person. Friends have moved continents for love only to have the relationship end. Married friends have issues with change - as a person, as a unit - basically, Relationships are complicated!

The film also focuses on how the children are affected - even adult on the verge of marriage themselves children find it hard to keep adjusting to changes in the relationship of their parents! I find this is true in the case of friends also, most couples tend to have his and her sets for the first couple of years - after finding your legs in a relationship, you eventually settle into a comon set though I have friends who usurped their partner's friends as their own after the split. A relationship no matter how much we can say is between 2 people, it impacts more lives than that - family,friends - it's all a part of the relationship - coz they also help define the individual in the same!

When I see my parents, my family or just generally look around me at successful happy couples, I wonder how? what is the secret that they possess? is it a family recipe, is it just luck, is it a facade? I'm not sure what exactly the answer is - is it just one or a mixture of many? People can say what they want but one thing for sure - it's not simple!

Till Death do us part....

....the death referred to in the vows in today's case is the death of the relationship! All around me, I seem to viewing broken marriages - I believe I've blogged before about how the workplace has an unusually high number of divorced people but since then I've heard of a lot of marriages break up and I suppose it really hit home when a friend of mine announced semi seriously that she was thinking of leaving her husband. It just reinforces my belief that waiting to get married is not necessarily a bad thing - it makes you really sure of who you are as a person so you don't suddenly discover yourself a couple of years down the line and realise you are no longer fitting in to the half you have chosen. Essentially, in my mind that's it!! You choose to be one half of a whole - all decisions, all thoughts need to be shared and it makes it much easier if you come with your own views. I think in this case though, I'm definitely an idealist - my family's great marriages have obviously given me a rose coloured view of what really exists. My mother's great problem is that people don't give it a shot - they opt out for what she thinks are minor difficulties. I disagree in that I don't think affairs or physical abuse are the only reasons to opt out of a marriage - if a mistake has been made, a mistake has been made - and I don't see why you should spend the rest of your life tied to a person you have nothing in common with. I've also realised that it takes some adjusting to live with a person and if you don't learn how to deal with the smaller problems or if you ignore them thinking why fight over such a small issue, when the big one comes along, it blind sides you and you are left floundering coz you don't have the training to tackle it! There are so many reasons that people can't work out relationships and I know it sounds like I'm passing judgement on getting married early but it's not that - I think my problem is with getting married too soon - I agree if you started dating someone at 16, at 24 you need to take the relationship to the next level - you can't meander in the same state forever!! Not that I think that all divorces are necessarily acrimonious - it's just that I've never met anyone who thinks divorce helped them be a better person!
I suppose all this is coming from the fact that I am somewhat under pressure to get married by next year end and this is not a comfortable timeline for my already married once better half and I think it's not worth the effort to try to anticipate a tentatively agreed date when all around me I can see the not so succesful results of unions!

Random musings - Part V

After the show on blogging on 'We the People', there has been lots of debate on the issues - the privacy, the opinions, the 'morality' etc - I have different issues - how much of myself can I put out there? My mother thinks I'm crazy to have a blog - how can you discuss your life with random people - now I know pretty much everybody who reads this and they know most things in any case so it's ok - I just like to write it but still.....anyhoo, my mother thinks I discuss too much with my friends as well so that's a different story!
I have issues with my identity, individuality being lifted - there are some things I like to think of as mine - the way I dress [tho heavily influenced by cousin since she provides 1/2 wardrobe but still...], the things I chose to do and I hate, reiterate hate it when people do the same things!

Dressing the same way is definitely annoyance # 1. What's sad is that many people don't even realise that they are lifting off from the way I do it - moving from ready made salwar kameez's to the mix and match version that I use [or buying the same gaberdine's - insert musical note here!]. I should have grown out of it - I know I know but somehow this still irks me to the nth degree - luckily this has not happened at work so I have managed to have a peaceful working life.Other stuff also that I consider particularly my own within a set - I hate it when other people adopt. I have always shopped at OMO when everyone else ran for the Westside and the Shopper's stop - even when I could barely afford it - I would shop at 'Either Or' in Pune [ did I mention the time when Sameera Reddy bought everything I picked up - literally I would look and put away dependent on price, size etc and she bought it all - I nearly decided to join Bollywood after that!]

So basically, bringing it back to the blog, my fear is that I if put it out there, it's easier for someone to lift your life - it's all there in black and white! Not that I don't do the same thing, I understood what a blog was after 'the charade' started one and then out of sheer boredom, I started one on spaces and after she moved and worked out blogger, I moved as well but she is a nicer person and it does not bother her [or if it does, she does not let it show!].

Moving on to pleasanter thoughts of vacations, Vietnam might not happen again... tho this morning I was reading about the noodles Pho [pronounced 'Faw'] and R and I were discussing how if we don't do Vietnam sometime in the coming future, it might not retain it's current charm and it's not a place you can do with kids. Tho I do have alternae options if Viet does not happen, one of my french friends is getting married in July and since 'the escapist' is already there, it would be a nice holiday and always to see the Samara in the Hong Kong is a constant need so we will go somewhere this year just where and with whom remains to be seen!!

P.S. The boy wants to go to the New York.....

Vacation - Delhi

So once we took the Shatabdi from Jaipur to Delhi where we were plied with food non-stop [included in the price of the ticket]. There was (a) snack (b) drink (c) complimentary water (d) dinner (e) dessert. We landed at New Delhi station at 11 in the night where immediately we were surrounded by touts exacerbated by the 'Gora' with us. We finally got a cabbie who agreed to take us - the others having refused having realised we already had hotel reservations. This guy however kept plugging another hotel saying it's like a 5 star and dissing Hotel Grand Godwin - where I had made the bookings. As it its, with the hotel reservations off the net, I was a bit apprehensive of where we were going to land up so I was considering taking up the cabbie on his offer when the others said to at least check it out. The access route the cab took us through was suspect to say the least with hotels advertising rooms at Rs.250 for A/C Deluxe and worse when I realized they meant by the hour!
However, the hotel was excessively decent with nice clean bathrooms and a fridge as well. We were upgraded the first night to the suites and decided to keep them for the 2nd night as well. The rate was inclusive of breakfast which was a really good spread of eggs, sausages, French toast/pancakes, cereals, coffee/tea, indian options and toast and all of it unlimited. There was even laptops with free internet access in the lobby which was wi-fi enabled. The only drawback was the location is not that great in Paharganj but it's really central being not more than 10 minutes away from Connaught place or any other monument except for the Qutub Minar.

The first day we decided to go to the Red Fort by cycle rickshaw - where we wandered around for a bit admiring the architecture...
then we decided to go for lunch to Punjabi by Nature which everyone recommends for the food and the Vodka golgappa's so we did both. We spend an inordinate amount of time there but thoroughly enjoyed ourselves feeling the holiday mode finally sink in on us. The next morning before we departed for Agra, we did a tour of the Rashtrapati bhavan, India Gate and Connaught place where we went to Wenger's the bakery and I might have bought out the shop but their fruit tart is to die for! [P.S for Chocolate stuff, there is nothing to beat Cookie Jar in Kolkata].

All in all, I think Delhi is the place where we chilled out the most and enjoyed ourselves thoroughly.