Turning Three Oh!

April this year, heralded the first of my friends to turn 30, followed by one in May - this month sees the list take off with 2, then 3 in September followed by another 2 in October then the random strays culminating with me in May next year .




30 now seems to me to be the big step into Responsibility - it is the sense that I will finally have to take charge of my life. In the 20's, I could shrug it off – too busy enjoying graduate studies, living away from home and then financial independence for the first time! Being responsible for myself could always take a backset but at 30, there is no such excuse!


Having taken the first step by getting married *huge sigh of relief*, I threaten to embrace it inspite of the 19 year old in my heart. Looking around me, I see all mature individuals actually making difficult life choices. At this threshold, I see friends raising children, having babies, planning weddings. I also see friends making difficult decisions to end marriages/relationships that are not working or refusing to settle for anything. I do see people who are still stuck in a timewarp, discussing life and retaining attitudes of a life, 10 years ago but this *thank god* is a limited number.


After this year, I can no longer claim to be a child (never mind what my parents think!) - I will be living on my own, *running* a house, responsible to another individual as an equal - all scary scary thoughts. I know friends have done it and succeeded very well but it is difficult!


30 also implies financial planning - what used to be water through my fingers earlier now needs to be accounted for with issues like rent, savings, and education to consider. Debt free credit card existence is no longer good enough - in fact, debts like house loans, car loans are actively embraced.


Adulthood is finally around the corner and in spite of having delayed it by 10 years, How can I still not know if I’m ready for it?

Recommended Reading: Mike Gayle - Turning 30

How much is Too Much?

At what point, do you stop and say 'Enough'?

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  Is it when the jack ass break ups with you at first fight?
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  or when your boss starts treating you like his secretary?
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  when you're not sure if it's comfort thats keeping you together?
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  when he cannot hear what you are saying coz he is too busy looking at you?
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  when he screams at the slightest thing to the point of hysteria?
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  when the job you struggled to get folds up in 3 weeks?
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  When he dates your best friend?
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  when your ex meets someone new at an event you organised?
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  when he cheated on you time after time for 3 years?
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  when the love of your life tells you he is getting married coz he cannot wait for you forever?
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  when you stopped learning at the job but are continuing out of timidness?

I always wonder about people's thresholds - what is the one step that makes the line a dot?

Some people have the ability to take much more than others but at what point, do you need to say this is it?

This has been on my mind for a while with a friend whose life turned upside down. She was always a 'doer' and had a good life with some blips prior but this last strain of bad luck seemed to turn her into a different person. I realised to me, that was enough - when the issues change who you are, the break needs to be made - when you look at yourself and you struggle to recognise the person - I think you need to say 'Enough' - I need to cut my losses and move on with life. This need to prove something to yourself, to make the experience worthwhile is not worth it for me if at the end of the day, I lose myself to prove it.

I'm feeling like a Jew in Germany

in 1939 - the writing is on the wall and I'm white washing over it! I'm Indian, I'm Roman Catholic and I'm fed up! Nothing seems to work anymore - if its not enough that outside forces/terrorists attack us, we seem to attack ourselves - Whether its the religion card or the community card, it all seems to work - the average person on the street seems to be waiting to be told who his next victim is! By thinking that we are a young democracy, am I turning a blind eye to a deep rooted  problem in the system? Do I need to wait till there is complete anarchy or we turn into a dictatorship to make the hard decision to leave? It's not something I ever thought I would do - being the daughter of a IAF fighter pilot automatically instills in you a sense of pride and yes ownership  - but as an owner, do I need to sink with the ship? 

One of the reasons I always looked askance on moving abroad is that it is not where you come from - you are always a second class citizen - things are not the same as in India where you fit in seamlessly. But lately, I have been feeling like a second class citizen here as well - I mean I look the same but in spite of  having a decent job, my money goes nowhere. Ok the rich are rich in any country, but at least middle class gives you aspiration to a better life. It seems to me now better to be a rung lower in another country since that country's ladder is higher than ours! 

My biggest fear now is that we can turn into Afghanistan - I'm not sure exactly what Afghanistan is like but in my mind, it was run over by religious terrorists and I would like to know what the previous decade was like before the final power take over?

What I need is a country where I feel safe from persecution of any kind, where hard work has reward and society is progressive - I know I know It's called Utopia!

"Fate chooses your relations, you choose your friends."

- Jacques Delille (1738 - 1813) French poet.

There are many versions of the title quote... my mother received this on a deflt dish " Chance made us sisters, Hearts made us friends". Recently, I've been reading a lot of posts on friendships and also on the different kinds e.g. The bride talks of her circle of friends and also whether friends/friendship should affect life decisions.
She also noted to me that I undertook change (moving cities to study and then to work) and never let the friends left behind influence me. Also both changes but espescially the move to study landed with a fabulous lot of people making the 2 years a joy - the lack of education may be lamented by the parents but the experience was excellent! Today at work, an office colleague pointed out my social nature which begs this point - one of the reasons, change becomes easy for me is I'm adaptable. This is different in nature from malleable - If I don't want to do it, you can't make me but I'm willing to adapt to what you want. I make an effort to integrate and generally this works.
I recently went for the alumni meet of above attended university, for the first time sans my gaggle of girls and enjoyed myself with the old friends. I must note I no longer regularly meet the gang mostly due to the fact of the Fancy and marginally also because they all live in different suburbs. Here I must include this quote: "It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."- Ralph Waldo Emerson. When you are practically living with people for 2 years, there is nothing that is hidden, there is nothing that is sacred, there is no line. However years on, I wonder about this line - can I put it in place now? I no longer live with you which implies a lack of daily contact - this lack of contact spanning to weeks and months - at what point do I say, we are no longer who we were, we have moved on...maybe without intending to but the fact is, it happened.

"Have no friends not equal to yourself."- Confucious (551 - 497 BC) Chinese philosopher .
What is wrong about the title quote though is that even in friends, sometimes it is not a choice - it is making the best out of what is there. School friends tend to the most numerous and least discerning - she sat next to you in class: Friends for life. This I find especially true, later in life, there is a tremendous amount of residual affection for these group of people. Having a base of so much in common, it becomes easy to reconnect and thus take the friendship to a higher level.
With my MBA institute friends, I honestly cannot say that there was a common thread- everyone came from very diverse backgrounds, from large cities to small towns to different cultures - progressive, regressive (this is my opinion of course) but these made for the best experiences - I cannot say it transalates into life long friendship with everybody tho.

This post had been lying in draft for months and I've decided to publish today coz yesterday, I got a completely different point of view from someone who I would now consider a friend[alternatively to use Sheldon's lingo from The Big Bang Theory-treasured acquaintance]. He puts a sell by date on friendships of 5 years. According to him, no friendship last beyond that due to various factors - girls/boys, distance, change of interests. I don't think it's true - while I agree you need to tryharder at these friendships [a fact I have always pointed out to people - good relationships don't build themselves, any kind!], it's not always work and mostly, it's worth it. I don't have the kind of time I did when I was in college or school to spend with a person and establish common ground. Most of the time, I meet new people while standing in a bar [ not conducive to deep conversations, I might tell you!], which will never give you the type of history you have with someone who has known you for more years than you care to remember!

Both my BFF's are not from school but the 11th std, but that itself makes it 13 yrs that I've known them - I have friends from before that and I have friends from just now as well. Some friendships have dropped off along the way - one because I discovered a lack of interest and one because of a lack of spine but this is not the rule!

If you go into a friendship thinking it has a sell off date, How will you ever be able to establish the kind of relationship that humans need to survive?

Recap

As usual, this post is about things I've done in the last few weeks, some of which are edifying, some of which make me feel as foolish as a 22 yr old but on the whole, I've been a super busy baby - and dressing up a whole lot - it's the year of the 'looks' this year compared to last year of the 'books'.

Fri 23rd October - Shiro's to celebrate birthday of friend with 1 yr old baby - she wanted to party, I ended up drinking - the night ended with me jumping into a cab despite being followed by the car I came in(feeling like a foolish 22 yr old) and the juggler losing his blackberry in the process!
Sat 24th October - Struggled out of bed at 4 pm in the same clothes I had worn to go out in the previous + full face of make up on. Note to oneself: Elizabeth Arden ceramide lash mascara very good - no streaking inspite of sleeping! also went to book venue for wedding where was informed was too early to do so. So much for catching worms!
Sunday 25th October - Visited the juggler's house; coffee with one of the girls; followed by visit to birthday girl house.
Monday 26th October - Dinner at Ming Yang to bring in Ear Damage founder birthday
Tuesday 27th October - Show support at Hard Rock Cafe Pinktober event
Wednesday 28th October - Wedding and Reception of school friend
Thursday 29th October - Asleep at 9 pm!
Friday 30th October - Drink at Toto's
Saturday 31st October - Firangi paani with symbi angels
Sunday 1st Nov - Brunch at friend's house
Monday 2nd Nov - Social drink at Aunt's house(edifying responsible adult behaviour) followed by yummy dinner at Yellow Tree Cafe
Tuesday 3rd Nov - Dinner with the girlies!

Aah! I feel so popular! Aaah! I'm exhausted!

The Gospel Truth....

According to The American Heritage Dictionary, 'Gospel' is from Middle English gospel, from Old English godspell, meaning "good news", translating the Latin evangelium, which itself was borrowed from Greek euangelion.

As defined by the online site freedictionary,

gos·pel
n.
1. often Gospel The proclamation of the redemption preached by Jesus and the Apostles, which is the central content of Christian revelation.
2. a. Gospel Bible One of the first four New Testament books, describing the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus and recording his teaching.
b. A similar narrative.
3. often Gospel A lection from any of the first four New Testament books included as part of a religious service.
4. A teaching or doctrine of a religious teacher.
5. Music Gospel music.
6. Something, such as an idea or principle, accepted as unquestionably true.....

which makes it all the more shocking that the very basis for the title phrase may not be as hard and fast as we would like to believe. If half of what I read [Fiction novels, I admit] is true, then what the original words of Christ were and what we practice today are poles apart in some ways - if not all.

Everybody knows that the religion was adapted as a majority religion in the 4th Century - thats practically 400 years after Christ - and at this time, did the Gospel as we know it appeared - where the best texts were selected out of the many that were written at the time of Christ or just after. It's also a well know fact that some elements of the different religion were also amalgamated into Christianity to make the change more palatable to the citizens [I'm practically quoting Dan Brown and the DaVinci code here,I know!!]. But what I sometimes wonder is.... was the essence of the religion changed as well to make it acceptable to power and the people?

I've heard the stories of the Ethiopian bibles being burnt and the Portugese burning the Syrian Christians ones in India because the versions were so different - the Ethiopians were one of the first conversts apparently and the Syrian Christians were converted by St. Thomas - an original apostle so they would really have versions of the time what would be the most correct and so radically different from what the portugese believed in the 16th century that they were deemed heretical and all the copies were burnt.

When you know all these things and then I read what I term Christian Fiction books where the story revolves around find a relic of Jesus Christ, I am convinced I am being targeted by a viral marketing campaign that wants to spread the word that there is truth out there to be found and we should not blindly follow without asking questions. I agree in some ways with catholocism that some things need to function on faith but there is no need for blanket rule!

Thank You for....

....my wonderful parents think I'm the best thing that happened to them
....my aunts and godmother who do not stop the process of actually giving birth to prevent them from mothering me
....for the wonderful boyfriend who is so tolerant and so loving, I'm amazed!
....best friends who I have had forever and still talk to me even though I drive them crazy
....a comfortable job where I get paid every month
....the short ride to work everyday which adds about an hour to my life
....all necessary working parts of a body barring strange skin
....no life scarring experiences that could shut me down for life
....the cutest niece in the universe
....the mother who made me want to travel
....the father who let me go even to places that they disapproved of
....the parents who showed me the joy of reading
....american TV!!
....all the yummy smelling products that my entire salary goes on!
....The Internet and on the world wide web - facebook, instant messenger, games
....a time when I straddle both the old and the new making me feel like anything is possible
....the friends in whose company many wonderful hours were spent doing nothing
....the various academic institutions I attended who contributed to making me who I am
....for friends who never let you forget where you come from

I just wanted to be publicly grateful for all that is right in my life - this list does not even cover half of it but it's a start!

Jaago Re!

I have been dilly dallying for 9 years now on registering myself as a voter - I have the intention and motivation of course but never the action! so when I saw the Tata tea commercial on TV, it really struck a chord and I was like I can do that - so I registered myself today online which is a form that most net users fill out like once a week in any case and they sent me a filled out registered voter's form - the only thing I need to do is go drop it off at the Bandra office - which is hopefully something I will do during the next week - at least one step is done! I have always had a reason for not registering - I went away to school for a while, I always miss the deadlines but I look around and now I sincerely believe apathy is ruining the country. If I don't vote, in a couple of years, I will need to move!!

In India, The list of things that are wrong seem to be growing at a rapid pace and the list of things that are right seem to be diminishing even faster -I wonder how much more does it have to fall before it can rise again? There are so many questions like does my vote make that much of a difference? Should I be doing something more instead of just cribbing? I always think that I should not talk about the state of the country because really I'm doing nothing to help it! Let's hope at least voting in the election will assuage my conscience and make a difference.

''In India, democracy is like cricket - it's a spectator sport" - I will try to participate more!

U know it's time to move on when even fear ceases to motivate you!!

Till Death do us part....

....the death referred to in the vows in today's case is the death of the relationship! All around me, I seem to viewing broken marriages - I believe I've blogged before about how the workplace has an unusually high number of divorced people but since then I've heard of a lot of marriages break up and I suppose it really hit home when a friend of mine announced semi seriously that she was thinking of leaving her husband. It just reinforces my belief that waiting to get married is not necessarily a bad thing - it makes you really sure of who you are as a person so you don't suddenly discover yourself a couple of years down the line and realise you are no longer fitting in to the half you have chosen. Essentially, in my mind that's it!! You choose to be one half of a whole - all decisions, all thoughts need to be shared and it makes it much easier if you come with your own views. I think in this case though, I'm definitely an idealist - my family's great marriages have obviously given me a rose coloured view of what really exists. My mother's great problem is that people don't give it a shot - they opt out for what she thinks are minor difficulties. I disagree in that I don't think affairs or physical abuse are the only reasons to opt out of a marriage - if a mistake has been made, a mistake has been made - and I don't see why you should spend the rest of your life tied to a person you have nothing in common with. I've also realised that it takes some adjusting to live with a person and if you don't learn how to deal with the smaller problems or if you ignore them thinking why fight over such a small issue, when the big one comes along, it blind sides you and you are left floundering coz you don't have the training to tackle it! There are so many reasons that people can't work out relationships and I know it sounds like I'm passing judgement on getting married early but it's not that - I think my problem is with getting married too soon - I agree if you started dating someone at 16, at 24 you need to take the relationship to the next level - you can't meander in the same state forever!! Not that I think that all divorces are necessarily acrimonious - it's just that I've never met anyone who thinks divorce helped them be a better person!
I suppose all this is coming from the fact that I am somewhat under pressure to get married by next year end and this is not a comfortable timeline for my already married once better half and I think it's not worth the effort to try to anticipate a tentatively agreed date when all around me I can see the not so succesful results of unions!

Another one bites the dust!

Just back from yet another wedding - this one in the distant hills of Uttarakhand, Dehradun! I have realised though that I do the most travelling for my closest friend's weddings! For R, I took 11 hour flights, travelled a day and a half each way to be present at the wedding and in her adopted hometown for a mere 6 days. In this case too, mega travelling involved - taking trains after centuries and here too skipped the bachelorette or in this case, the most fun party with the overflowing alcohol!
I had been having doubts about this wedding and the reasons behind it - thinking that parental pressure and easy options were the motivating factors. However, seeing the 2 in action after a long time, all apprehension has disappeared - I don't know about the chemistry or the grand passion but they are each other's best friends and I believe that is most necessary to make the marriage a surefire success!
So we started on a tuesday evening after working the whole day - caught the 8.30 flight to Delhi, which surprisingly took off on time, caught a cab to a friend's house where 4 of us were congregation to catch the early morning train to D'dun. However, with one's flight delayed and the other's bus breaking down, we weren't all in till around 3 a.m leaving precious little sleep till 6 when we had to catch the train. Once we boarded the train and reached the destination, we needed baths asap having had the brilliant idea of not changing the night before and staying in tuesday's clothes for 24 hours+!! After what seemed like the annual bath, off to the parlour we went where I died of boredom during the blow out of my hair!! then to the cocktail where we slimily kept sending the boys to the bar to get us the booze! The next day we took a drive to see a bit of the place where I really learnt the meaning of small town - the town is 15 mins across with one main road and not much to do! then dressed for the wedding where my ex-flatmate looked gorgeous and talked all through the ceremony including making faces at every oath of which she did not approve! In between the 2 ceremonies, we sneaked off to do a little celebrating of our own which included looking through photies of the wonderful times we had as students in Pune which resulted in nostalgia for the days gone by and regret for the thought that we would never be as young or as carefree again! After the event, we proceeded to 'KaalRaatri' where the bride's sisters/friends keep the groom away from the bride whole night till the bidaai the next day.
Post this last occurence, B and me proceeded to Mussoorie where we rejected hotels, were rejected from hotels, finally found literally a flea bag motel and then proceeded to drown our sorrows through retail therapy! The next day was spent sight seeing, being awestruck by the beautiful valleys and the perennial mist/fog, the fantastic view from Lal Tibba the highest peak of the ' Queen of the Hills' and we discovered this quaint hotel which is actually a residence converted to a hotel with wonderful food and such lovely character! we met the charming owners and wondered how their grandparents were smart enough to buy property and tons of it! and might I add, his grand father and mine had the same profession - law!!
The last day saw tons of travel again - the previous routine reversed - the train followed by a flight both of which were delayed which means I reached home rather late and cranky!
I was a little cribby about the distance travelled but I am feeling rather refreshed and all in all I think the joy I got from seeing D peaceful and calm in her choice of lifemate was worth all the effort - after all that's what marriage is about - a lifetime committment to someone else's happiness!

Random musings - Part V

After the show on blogging on 'We the People', there has been lots of debate on the issues - the privacy, the opinions, the 'morality' etc - I have different issues - how much of myself can I put out there? My mother thinks I'm crazy to have a blog - how can you discuss your life with random people - now I know pretty much everybody who reads this and they know most things in any case so it's ok - I just like to write it but still.....anyhoo, my mother thinks I discuss too much with my friends as well so that's a different story!
I have issues with my identity, individuality being lifted - there are some things I like to think of as mine - the way I dress [tho heavily influenced by cousin since she provides 1/2 wardrobe but still...], the things I chose to do and I hate, reiterate hate it when people do the same things!

Dressing the same way is definitely annoyance # 1. What's sad is that many people don't even realise that they are lifting off from the way I do it - moving from ready made salwar kameez's to the mix and match version that I use [or buying the same gaberdine's - insert musical note here!]. I should have grown out of it - I know I know but somehow this still irks me to the nth degree - luckily this has not happened at work so I have managed to have a peaceful working life.Other stuff also that I consider particularly my own within a set - I hate it when other people adopt. I have always shopped at OMO when everyone else ran for the Westside and the Shopper's stop - even when I could barely afford it - I would shop at 'Either Or' in Pune [ did I mention the time when Sameera Reddy bought everything I picked up - literally I would look and put away dependent on price, size etc and she bought it all - I nearly decided to join Bollywood after that!]

So basically, bringing it back to the blog, my fear is that I if put it out there, it's easier for someone to lift your life - it's all there in black and white! Not that I don't do the same thing, I understood what a blog was after 'the charade' started one and then out of sheer boredom, I started one on spaces and after she moved and worked out blogger, I moved as well but she is a nicer person and it does not bother her [or if it does, she does not let it show!].

Moving on to pleasanter thoughts of vacations, Vietnam might not happen again... tho this morning I was reading about the noodles Pho [pronounced 'Faw'] and R and I were discussing how if we don't do Vietnam sometime in the coming future, it might not retain it's current charm and it's not a place you can do with kids. Tho I do have alternae options if Viet does not happen, one of my french friends is getting married in July and since 'the escapist' is already there, it would be a nice holiday and always to see the Samara in the Hong Kong is a constant need so we will go somewhere this year just where and with whom remains to be seen!!

P.S. The boy wants to go to the New York.....

How you doing?

I seem to have had a very busy life recently but I really could not tell you what I have been doing - not watched any movies, or any plays. Did manage to read 4 books tho - some of them quite interesting.

One was an Agatha Christie - 'Easy to Kill' - nice enough story about crime, drama etc. The really good one though was the Clive Cussler one - Trojan Odyssey - very interesting read because it introduced me to this thought that the Trojan war was not between the Greeks etc over Helen of Troy but was fought on the coasts of England for Tin. Apparently Homer wrote the Iliad a 1000 years later so it's a tale that was passed down from generation to generation and we all know how much can get lost in transalation. I always like books that open your mind to new perspectives - which is why I think the Da Vinci code is such a runaway success - the whole concept was so novel that it was eaten up immediately. I have not read Clive Cussler before but he seems to me to be on the lines of Alistair Maclean et all with the adventure story telling and the recurring protagonists much like Jack Higgins for that matter as well.

The other one of note was 'Leaving Eden' - about a girl's search for herself growing up without a mother to guide her - the hits and misses in her life and how painful the struggle is without someone to guide you.

The last book was 'Blood in the sky' which I think was a bit overdone. It was one of those I live in the country and I make friends with the natives and I help solve murder mysteries and I was an ex policemen and I think I ruined lives and I.. I..I..I.. so yeah you get the point!

I have also gone crazy trying to get a 3 column template for this blog. I like to put up pictures, lyrics, photo walls etc on the sides and one column on the left is not cutting it. The alignment of the posts and the side bar just dont match. So I trawled all these websites and found all these templates with the code and changed the code about a hundred times and de nada! nothing has changed - in one case the post column itself disappeared. So I'm thinking will stick with this format only coz minima stretch does not seem like an option anymore on blogger leaving me with minima where it becomes a 4 column blog with the columns on either side being like single colored pillars! If anyone can hand me a solution I would be eternally grateful!

What's been going on?

The perfect Margarita:
2 Parts Tequila: 1 parts Triple Sec: 2 part Margarita Mix

This is how I killed Friday night at home with friends.
Saturday night spent between the airport and Toto's.
Sunday spent tidying house, watching 'M*A*S*H' and first half of 'Don'.
Thursday night was spent in a plane back from Bangalore.
Wednesday was spent in front of the TV as was Tuesday and Monday.
Sunday included church and a walk.
The previous Saturday had B-52's, Blush Zinfandel and lots of auto's.

The week also included lots of long distance phone calls and constant texting.

Shopping of the week:

• lingerie
• bag
• belt
• kurta

Gifts received:

• The awesomest pair of red shoes ever [How I wish I had a camera phone!!]
  
• A lovely pin tuck bronze-y shirt
• a purple shirt with matching multicolored sweater [like a twin set but not twin!!]
• pink and orange OMO top

What I have learned this week that absence does not make the heart grow fonder - it makes you realise how fond your heart already is!!

Random musings

I've not posted in a bit - mainly coz I've been too busy with life!! So I've been thinking [yes, I do that as well]...... I never prescribed to the theory that people write when they are unhappy or unfulfilled but it seems to be true for me also - when I had less to do or I was not so occupied, I wrote a lot more. Nowadays, I'm happy where I am so there is less need to vent or find an outlet for the energy. It's not like I'm doing anything different - I've seen a couple of movies, read a book [actually in the middle of it], hung out with people but nothing has motivated me to pour my heart out. The thing is...the movies were good - Transformers, Simpsons and Chak De, hanging out was fun also - new people espescially but I have not had that urge to share with the world at large. I seem to be happy sharing it at that moment itself and not need to publicise my opinion to anyone who wants to listen.
This worries me in a way - it means that my life is bigger than my writing! For a lot of people [authors mainly one would suppose..], writing is their life - nothing supersedes that. So again, I don't have a driving passion in life, other than life itself! I don't need to do anything to the exclusion of all else........ even work does not define me. This is scary because it's passion that crosses the line for you from mediocre to brilliant in anything you do. If I lack that passion, how will I ever fulfill what I can? and what's scarier is obviously I don't want to.....
Not that I think that being happy is not enough - it's more than!! I think it's important to have friends, enjoy life, marriage, kids - the works but I think in today's world, you need more definition than that - you need to have your own driving force - your " I need to do this to exist" bit which is seperate from "I need this person to exist" because at the end of the day if all else ceases, you will still have yourself and your "drive" to continue......

This is me....then

My life last year at this time is like from a different decade - the place I worked, the people I hung out with, my weekly routine - everything has changed!! Luckily my parents and house are still the same - thank God!! Last year, I worked in an office which was minimum 45 minutes away from home, where I sat everyday till 8, post which I went drinking - to Harmony (90%), Sports Bar (5%) and Ambience (5%) with loads of different people but 2 constants [A + K] like the 3 musketeers [as u can see from this picture - sometimes very happy musketeers....this is from the fateful day when 4 people demolished 7 pitchers in 3 hrs!!]

Now, I work 15 minutes away from home, go out drinking to Soul Fry (only) and that too only once a week. But life does not change that much.....I still hang out with only single people, I still stress about my job, I still buy clothes every week and now my new obsession instead of Orkut is Facebook - mainly because I don't understand how to use it!! Remind me at some time to complain about how Facebook is not fun since orkut stalking is not possible!!

My fear in all of this: - other people move on......I seem to be stuck in my life. I love it here, it's fun but am I missing out on something else? Obviously other people see areas lacking which is how their life changes - am I blinded to the obvious? or maybe it's a 'latent' need which will attack me later. I've always been a let the mountain come to Muhammad type. But at some level, it worries me that my equals from the year before are now multiplications/additions of who they used to be.

Sleeping Beauty??

This as most people know is one of my favourite activities and I'm famous for pulling 14-16 hour sleeping session - the way other people party or drink - this is my specialty.

Once my roommate and I in Pune pulled an extreme marathon session [for us also] - We went to sleep at 12 since we had a guest lecture at 10 - she woke up at 1030, spoke to me, we contemplated going and said chuck it, she made breakfast and went back to sleep, I arose at 1130 and repeated above procedure. Finally we woke up at 530 and went straight to a movie and pub.

The point of this post is that last night, I pulled similar stunt, After having met S for dinner, told B that she could come stay the night post her date. We ended up at the same joint [much to their chagrin - but really u cannot usurp our adda as ur date spot] where she threw chutney at me. Anway I left half hr earlier than her, went home, arranged the water, cleared the beds, put my phone on loud so I would hear it and then promptly collapsed into an inanimate vegetable so that I missed 6 calls on my phone!!

this morning, woke up full of remorse for the margaritas that I drank when realised B was missing!! so feeling even more remorseful, have spent better half of morning calling people to figure out where she went - time tht could have been utilised getting to work on time!!

Pets

"Every woman should have 4 pets in her life – a mink in her cupboard, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed and a jackass to pay for everything"
Paris Hilton – socialite, singer, actress, jailbird

I never thought I would be in agreement with Paris Hilton about anything - I mean her life could not be further removed from mine to the extent that I say "that's cool" while she drawls "That's hawt"!! But this one statement is definitely true.

Migration

I'm moving here for the second time - hopefully this time since I actually started exploring the options and I found the options for the various list - quite happy with it and think will actually stay here now.

Will start my new blog with some relevant posts from the old one - kind of like a semi introduction.
so here goes:

June 19

Wanted: Prince Charming

I've had one of those days when in the morning - everything went wrong - work wise! and u end up thinking 'Why did I not do that secretarial course - 9 baje aao, 6 baje niklo?'. I've decided the best solution to get out of this rut is to get married - that way I will sit at home and my most stressful question will be what color should I paint my nails today??

So I'm looking for Prince Charming whose criteria I shall list below:

1. Rich - for obvious reasons.....no point getting married if I have to still work
2. Tall - this is so I can have tall kids.....everyone knows I'm barely off the ground so if I co-produce with someone short, my kids will be dwarves
3. Good looking - for my own fun
4. Entertaining - I have the attention span the size of an ant....he needs to be able to keep it - my mother says I need a clown since obvious I want someone to juggle for me!!
5. Nice - this is missable....if I had to drop one of the criteria, ths would be it! Hey I'm nice enough for everybody
6. Intelligent - this is a prerequisite tho definitions of intelligence are different - mine is more of a smart, knows how to talk, street savvy kind of person definitely not intellectual tho, more personality driven perhaps

However the problem with this list is that noone ever meets it! and tho I know this list in theory, in practice I have the worst taste in the universe [ attested to by a variety of people!] so I will stop this post and go back to work!!

May 26

What do I do?

Today I had to explain what I do and I must admit it sounds really cool...there are some perks to working with the entertainment industry [ok - forget the fact office is next to my house - additional bonus!!], it's that one gets to talk about cool stuff for a living. Artist Management, Media, Customisation, customerisation - these are all terms that one learnt in the marketing text book [Philip Kotler Zindabad, May Al Ries and Jack Trout live long as well] and you actually get to use them in daily existence!! I don't think the work is all that glamorous - it's the perks that make the job worthwhile!! Music launches, kaan awards, movie premieres, free stuff...yay the list goes on!!

Went to Eleven Echoes in Juhu today - yes was finally dragged to the distant suburb and in turn dragged townie there but both of us have vowed never again - the positive points just dont out weigh the distance tho 11 echoes is really pretty!!

Actually wanted to see Shootout at Lokhandwala - the movie - based on true rumours [ok that is the whole title] but decided friday night is drinking night instead so will see movie tomorrow since have to haul ass out of bed early in any case since for some reason decided will work on a saturday as well - DUH is me!! and to top it all off, I have to go to Gwalior Tank to some random place for Still shots or stock shots or something along those lines - if someone can please elaborate what exactly I'm looking for - I will be forever grateful [ indebted is a better word, do u think??]!! anyhow someone please tell me how to get there and then what to do once I'm there!! I will be forever 'indebted'!!

Since going to work tomorrow, must sleep at reasonable hour which implies now but since not sleepy will continue posting for one's own pleasure! Finished reading Shadow lines by Amitav Ghosh yesterday - highly recommended by literary minded friends....I like the book but I'm not raving about it if you know what I mean - It gave me a sense of unfinishment [ ok ok I create words] - I think what I mean is unfulfilled but its more like the story did not cleanly end for me - unfulfilled is definitely present but it left me feeling unfinished - maybe it's one of those books you need to read again and then a lot of things become clearer with a second comprehension. Hmmmm that is possibly not going to make sense to anybody but in my own mind I understand [ I think]. I had tried reading Glass Palace by the same author a couple of years earlier but could not get through the first couple of pages but in spite of that ploughed through this since was promised good reading [note to myself: literary friends are literary for a reason]. Literary friend + Magazine editor as opposed to literary friend + monkey porn editor [seperate posting for this story & praying she never read this], anyway literary friend + mag editor swears by Salman Rushdie and her favourite book is Midnight's Children - another book that I could not get through the first couple of pages so just goes to show that one's man passion is another one's poison [ not sure if that is the phrase, if not please correct me!!]. Going to start reading Equal Music by Vikram Seth which my father says is the best written book in English - I should check whether he means Indian authors best or like Compared to Shakespeare Best - hmmmm??? Actually going to go start reading only.....

May 17

Random ramblings!!

I was never part of this philosophy that school friends are the best friends - Ive added so many from each walk of life but there is nothing like someone who has know you all your life and loves u still....I just met some of my oldest school friends - known them at least 15 years and its so comfortable. This is not to say we've always been super comfortable - we've had months when each has not talked to at least one member and in a group of 8 -12 thts a lot of permutations & combinations!! but we've come out of it and now we sit and laugh and think 'we did that?'.

Today I met 3 of my gang of '12 apostles' from college - this is what my mom used to call them since we used to be 12 girls to seat for dinner/lunch/transport etc!! And tho we did not reminisce about old times, it's like you can do anything no matter how badly behaved and everyone is like aaah - never mind - we love her anyways!! pls note - I was only eating all the food on the table before anyone's imagination runs wild! I was like super starved and kept grabbing food off the plate before anyone else could even get to it!!

Another thing is today was the third day in a row of drinking and my system cannot handle it anymore - sheer revolt is happening - this is also because of the shady vodka from yesterday - but today my body was like retching and sweating and punishing me in the worst way possible - blocking me up!! but I was nice to it and drank a lot of water so finally opened up! not things anyone needs to know but still....Whatever happened to the good old days when we partied 5 days a week and drank for 7? running around drinking vodka with glucon D for lack of better options - when did age catch up with me and hw did I not notice???

I love the people in this new office - they are just fun and open and thre is very little politics [ not that there was a lot of politics in Radio] but still.....everyone is super helpful and noone is out to do you in [I like the way that sentence sounds!]. It's just crazy working in an office where the MD sits behind you and is super charged and knows everyone's name tho I've heard he has some really 'severe' bad moods - these are all new office terms - 'severe', 'sorted' and 'vicious' [hint from helpful ex employee]!! my boss needs to texturise everything which means give it depth.....u learn new things everyday and in this office I'm like the oldest of the young generation!!

Ive been reading this blog called the compulsive confessor and I swear its compelling reading! she just rants about her regular life and u're like me wants me wants!! I think its supposed to be one of the group blogs where different people post things - there is one specific whining page!! it's quite strange the things people put on the web nowadays - you can really spend the entire day with other's people thoughts and expressions. Its not like uve never met them and you are not likely to either but u know them in a way you might not know other people who you interact with on a physical basis daily!!

Ok - I think this entry is going nowhere so going to finish now - these are really random musing but just felt like writing so...

January 16

I will survive!!

Where do I begin?? I've had major upheavals and changes in my life in the last couple of months - S shouted at me...never had that happen before...been changed from retail to corporate with a new boss and lastly but definitely not leastly my leave is in question...something which I have been planning for the last 2 yrs is suddenly unsanctioned even though it's within all company limits....gaaah!! I have a whole new list of clients - none of which I understand, none of which I can control....but the leave issue really sucks! Have not been able to establish equation with new boss - good or bad to just inform him of decision and chuck it all....best option comes from father who says quit job - go on holiday and come back to find less stressful job...sounds like a plan!!

I seem to have entered a vicious cycle where I say I want something and act like I want it and when I get it I'm really unhappy and unhappy in a heart being squeezed kind of way - I think that's the worst kind of way....not that Ive ever seen any other kind of way but people always talk of their heart breaking....mine feels like its being squeezed and I can't breathe! I seem to make this decisions based on other people's wants - I know it's wrong in theory but having someone else say it to me makes me upset and I decided I wnt to change it and then when the change happens I run around trying to unchange it until the next opinion upsets me again be it a book also and then again but the changes always have an effect so it's like a million little changes which will eventually make the one big change....and now I think I'm rambling so will stop this tirade...I think so tired that not understanding myself or my life anymore which is the biggest change.

I've always had a semblance of control on where things are going but in the last year...it just seems to have gone haywire - I think Ive complained before....I also have to blog about the numerous weddings I have attended in the last month and the non stop activity which made me feel popular for a bit!!

October 14

Change Change Change!!

It's quite creepy but when I met the palmist and tarot reader in June, they both predicted lots of change for me in October which both advised me not to fight but accept with open arms since the changes would eventually be positive. My current dilemma is what is open arms? should I just lie down and accept the changes or should I actively champion the changes? For anyone who knows me, I generally choose the path of least resistance, I really need to be forced into taking a decision that could change my life - If I want to do something, you cannot change my mind but If I'm ambivalent then I cannot make that decision and these days in my life, the greatest emotion seems to be apathy. I am not actively trying to make decisions tho I know I need to....

October 26

Harakiri!!

I think the change everyone was talking about was a change in me - I've realised who I used to be when I was younger and who I am now are completely different people in some ways - I think my overall personality has remained the same but some traits have definitely changed. I've never been very aggro but nowadays even simple confrontations seem to be traumatic - I think mainly because I'm not the ones instigating them.....and nowadays I realise I really need a reason before I draw sword and enter battle.....if I cannot see an end result, why start a battle that is already over? but that never used to be the case, If I felt slighted or wronged, I just charged and the end result was always good - unexpected maybe....but good. Sometimes the battles nowadays feel like Harakiri to me.......I think when I was younger self inflicted torture was the only torture I went through so maybe it was ok.....but now as a trying to be grown up, it seems such a waste to self flagellate when there is always a ready whip around the corner.

Now Random para's from previous blogs that are relevant in explaining where I'm coming from:

September 02

Life carries on!

U know so much stuff happens and then if you don't document that minute it all just slips away - and that's my problem just now - I think my life is slipping away!!Working leaves you no time for deep relationships and the ones you have nurtured are now also tortured since there is lack of contact - be it physical or mental...physical because you never meet and mental because everyone is so tied up in their own 'seperate' lives now that it's hard to connect the same way as when we led the same lives and were on the same page!!

After I wrote the last blog, I met a friend who echoed my sentiments about life slipping away and I wondered if everyone is facing the same problems, how are we supposed to have productive lives with happy relationships when we have no idea where these things are? I always thought, at this age [ which seemed very far away to me then - age 25], I would have this jetsetting career with arm candy fiance and generally be very put together - instead reality is that I'm still crazy by nature, I'm not really sure which direction I want my career to take [ this has basic assumption tht I have choice which may not be true at rate I'm going], and there is no fiance, arm candy, eye candy or otherwise. I'm not sure which pains the most - since everyone's career looks to me in the same boat - but a lot of people I know are getting married and voluntarily at that, I'm not counting arranged/social constraints but people genuinely in love and I really want to know how do they know that? Is is just me whose life seems to be out of my control and I'm going with the flow or is it a phenomenon with people in general and the people getting married are the anomalies?

I think this will give everyone an idea of whre I'm coming from - as and when I have relevant posts to link , will do so.