To remind me....

I love you not only for what you are,
But for what I am when I am with you
I love you not only for what you have made of yourself
But for what you are making me
I love you for the part of me that you bring out.
I love you for passing over all my foolish and weak traits,
That you can't help but see
I love you for drawing out into the light my beauty,
That no one else had looked quite far enough to dim
I love you.

The wedding preps finally caught up with me yesterday - Cried thrice - only knowing the juggler is at the end of it makes it worthwhile!

Love is blind....

and dumb and in my case, mostly also deaf!

presenting "Amazing Choices" - the line of boys I've had crushes on over the years:

1. The boy who spoke no english part 1 - in his defense, very sweet. 
2. the boy who spoke no english part 2 - in my defense, I was stupid!
3. the boy who spoke no english part 3 also known as the boy who had a gf, dated me and married a 3rd girl - There is no defense!
4. the boy in the red sleeveless tshirt at a party - in my defense, I was drunk!
5. the boy with the beavis and butthead laugh - in his defense, he was stupid!
6. the boy with the cap which said mine is longer than yours - in my defense, it was funny!
7. the boy with the abba song - not so bad really, just the friend hated it!
8. the boy with snot on his nose - in my defense,I was very young and did not know any better!
9. the drunk drummer - the whole college also!
10. the stoned hostelite - half the college in this case!

Saved by the following:

• my best friend's brother
• My best friend
• finally the Juggler!!

How much is Too Much?

At what point, do you stop and say 'Enough'?

• 
  
  Is it when the jack ass break ups with you at first fight?
• 
  
  or when your boss starts treating you like his secretary?
• 
  
  when you're not sure if it's comfort thats keeping you together?
• 
  
  when he cannot hear what you are saying coz he is too busy looking at you?
• 
  
  when he screams at the slightest thing to the point of hysteria?
• 
  
  when the job you struggled to get folds up in 3 weeks?
• 
  
  When he dates your best friend?
• 
  
  when your ex meets someone new at an event you organised?
• 
  
  when he cheated on you time after time for 3 years?
• 
  
  when the love of your life tells you he is getting married coz he cannot wait for you forever?
• 
  
  when you stopped learning at the job but are continuing out of timidness?

I always wonder about people's thresholds - what is the one step that makes the line a dot?

Some people have the ability to take much more than others but at what point, do you need to say this is it?

This has been on my mind for a while with a friend whose life turned upside down. She was always a 'doer' and had a good life with some blips prior but this last strain of bad luck seemed to turn her into a different person. I realised to me, that was enough - when the issues change who you are, the break needs to be made - when you look at yourself and you struggle to recognise the person - I think you need to say 'Enough' - I need to cut my losses and move on with life. This need to prove something to yourself, to make the experience worthwhile is not worth it for me if at the end of the day, I lose myself to prove it.

Thank you

Today I sat through the first day of the Marriage Preparation Course which is mandatory to be married in the Roman Catholic Church of India - In it, the things I learned today among others was the anatomy and physiology of male/female, the updated version of the Rhythm Method and esteem issues. Considering the juggler and I are 'Evolved' human beings - the course covered ground we already knew or had passed in the beginning of our relationship - making it truly a trying experience for the 2 of us and that was just the first day!

Since the juggler also made a 'mistake' in his 'youth' , we have also done a circle of marriage tribunal law, submitting documents from birth certicates to affidavits regarding practice of catholicism and children we might have and sending 4 witnesses to talk about the mistake, all so we can get married in the church.

I'm still not sure if this process is going to be worth it, but I promised myself I would do everything from my end to ensure it happens, the rest I leave in the hands of God and apparently, his chosen ones!

Through all this, I would like to say an immense 'Thank you' to the juggler for his stoicism in the face of what must be complete insanity to someone who has not been brought up in a demanding religion! To me, its just something you take for granted, that you need to earn your right to things but not-so for others. I appreciate the complete and utter committment he has made evident in this crazy rigmarole and love him much for it even if the 3 things he loves most about me are actually about him!

It's complicated!

used to be a Facebook option for a relationship status but I think everyone can choose this - whether you are married, engaged, dating or even single! 

Watching the movie of the same name, it makes you wonder what makes relationships work. In the case of Jane and Jake Adler, it had past it's sell by date - having screwed it up once, they were simply in different places and stages in their lives to make it work again - this in spite of being very well matched!

I have had timing issues with someone who most people would think would be be a perfect match but having missed the boat on several occasions, that ship has now sailed!I know of others who have found their perfect match but found it too early that they cannot hold onto it while growing as a person. Friends have moved continents for love only to have the relationship end. Married friends have issues with change - as a person, as a unit - basically, Relationships are complicated!

The film also focuses on how the children are affected - even adult on the verge of marriage themselves children find it hard to keep adjusting to changes in the relationship of their parents! I find this is true in the case of friends also, most couples tend to have his and her sets for the first couple of years - after finding your legs in a relationship, you eventually settle into a comon set though I have friends who usurped their partner's friends as their own after the split. A relationship no matter how much we can say is between 2 people, it impacts more lives than that - family,friends - it's all a part of the relationship - coz they also help define the individual in the same!

When I see my parents, my family or just generally look around me at successful happy couples, I wonder how? what is the secret that they possess? is it a family recipe, is it just luck, is it a facade? I'm not sure what exactly the answer is - is it just one or a mixture of many? People can say what they want but one thing for sure - it's not simple!

So many things - so little time!

I'm finally motivated to blog....couple of things have happened in life - went on holiday, got engaged, parents met etc etc but let's focus on my favourite subject - travel.

The bride is planning a 10 day vacay in Italy - making me incredibly jealous - very excited for her but still incredibly jealous and we got to discussing our top travel destinations that we want to visit. All of The Bride's currently seem to be in Europe. (1. paris 2. rome/ venice (though now florence also) 3. london 4. dublin 5. scotland. 6. moscow. 7 prague. 8. berlin).

I have a travel agenda for the next 3 yrs where I plan to strike off 1.New York 2. Istanbul (Turkey) 3. Angkor Wat/South East Asian island preferably Koh Samui. Post which, I will be looking at South America - Inca and Mayan civilizations{Machu Pichu- here I come!!] and also torn between the Eastern European countries like Prague etc. This list does not even include a trip to New Zealand where I will spend more than 6 days this time and explore the South Island.

There are so many places in the world that I will never get to see and this really causes me pain!

I will get down to making a comprehensive list of where all I need to go in the world and post it so I can have the pleasure of ticking it off/striking it through when I'm done!

Also, I have discovered new music after quite a while - In addition to the love of my life Robert Pattinson, 'Twilight' film also introduced me to a band called Muse whose track 'Super Massive Black Hole' is in the soundtrack. I really like the sound and realised how much I missed knowing good music or just hearing different things. In the middle of these discussions, I learnt about Damien Rice and also the sound of Gomez both of which I'm currently enamoured and listening to on loop on youtube. It's music like this which makes me realise why I need a Mp3 music player and why just radio on the phone is not enough!

I also appear to have given up reading - the last books I read were on holiday - Curtis Sittenfeld's Man of my dreams - eminently skippable and Kazuo Ishiguro's Never Let Me Go which I found very interesting - I also remember watching a movie on the same thoughts - 'The Island' starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johannsen. Since then I have started a Joanne Harris 'Rune Marks' and the last in the Thursday Next series 'First Among Sequels' - both of which are still pending completion.

To the Juggler on his 37th birthday

I know you hate celebrating the day since you did none of the work and your parents are the ones who should be congratulated. So we will start with that....

To Juggler's parents, thank you for the wise decision and the patience to have a child after you thought you would be done with child rearing - you did a fantastic job and 37 years later, it definitely seems worth it!

Birthday's, as I keep saying, are milestones of your life - another year completed, more goals achieved, more change accepted - it reminds me of where you are in your life and more importantly who you are.

This year,

• Just now, you did the boys holiday you've always wanted to do and the one you felt cheated out of
• You were asked to a representative of the music industry in India on your merit alone
• You went to Amsterdam twice
• Vienna + Prague struck off a list
• You have seen every responsibility you touch turn to gold
• You're team leading skills are appreciated - witness people willing to rejoin under your fold
• You watched your team at work grow [not physically], with pride
• Your sister praised you to the skies
• People still laugh at your jokes
• You discovered you have timing - no joke maybe but timing for sure ;-)
• You discovered remix versions of Auld Lang Syne
• You are financially secure with 0 debt
• You now own 2 pairs of Onitsuka Tigers
• as well as 2 original Yankee caps
  

There have been some setbacks:

• You were not chosen President of the U.S.A
• Your best friend passed away
• You only managed Hong Kong once in the last year
  

That's all I can think of - all in all, I think you had a good year and I don't know about you, but I'm certainly grateful for this day and you!

P.S. The juggler's response

Marriage - societal obligation or human choice?

After a mega discussion on the institution of marriage with The bride, since she has put up her views on marriage, I am going to discuss my take on it.

The first thing I really need to vent is the infamous question - 'Are you going to settle down soon?'. so like listen up, I'm 28, have a good job, do not have any substance abuse problem, have a steady boyfriend, how much more settled can I get? do I need to have a ring and 2.2 kids to be settled? I agree living with my parents may not signify settled but thats just Indian culture - if we lived in a different country I could be out of the house since I do make enough money to support myself - not sure about family but myself for sure. Is that not settled enough for people?

Don't get me wrong tho - I totally believe in the institution of marriage - I don't think its just societal sanction - I honestly believe it is a person's choice - you are declaring this person makes you happy in more ways than one. The rest of your family is handed to you on a plate from your parents to your children, you do choose your friends but its not the same relationship. Your spouse is someone who you declare - this is my partner, I want to grow with this person, I will create life if possible with this person. To digress and address the issue of noone wants to have sex with the one person for the rest of their lives, the commitment is also the inherent sacrifice in it - that you forgo your other options. I don't think the term marriage implies just a piece of paper - it signifies the emotions, the desires, our need to belong and our need to own. We need to say this person belongs to me - it is mine!

The first line of any sociology textbook states 'Man is a social animal' - this is true - we have evolved from primates where there in A alpha male - in our society, there is no such sharing. That again is a choice!

I think that's one thing I got from my religion - everything is a choice and I cannot believe that marriage is a sociological conditioning to be with a person - it has to be a choice people make, a declaration of love.

Poetry, Paisa and a pinch of salt!

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee."

This is what I have just heard, along with Aubade - Vikram Seth, Pablo Neruda and Simon Armitage [who ride beautiful dark humour but I digress] at an engagement - Yes! I repeat... there was poetry reading at an engagement and this has just confirmed my opinion that I am a reverse snob. I look down from my pedestal of an ordinary middle class individual and laugh at the pretensions of the high and mighty who lament the loss of the Taj as their 'adda' and think reading poetry at their engagements proves them to be English aficionados or whatever else they are trying to say. I have realised I revel in my "Shopping in Linking Road" status as much as I enjoy the occasional visit to a 5 star. I look at my sense of balance and think that I am better than them coz I can do it all - I am not limited by the excess of money to only wearing certain clothes or eating certain foods. And while I readily admit to the pang of jealousy about the lack of economy that allows the rich to travel whenever, I take comfort in the fact that this very fact makes the experience novel for me and my eye is not jaded making every new location fresh and undiscovered and hard earned. The sad part of this is that eventually, I am no better than anybody else coz I am also looking down at people who I think are not worthy of my attention since they have it all!

Another example of how I express this is the fact that I think SRK is better than Aamir Khan mainly due to the point that Shah Rukh is very clear on who he is and how he brings SRK to every role - he does not have pretensions to histrionics or wants to spout about the skin of a role - he says I act like myself in all my films and you know what?? It works - that kind of attitude is refreshing and I appreciate the honesty though it may be a platform/gimmick - it is much more believable than going on about your 'Art'.

Thank You for....

....my wonderful parents think I'm the best thing that happened to them
....my aunts and godmother who do not stop the process of actually giving birth to prevent them from mothering me
....for the wonderful boyfriend who is so tolerant and so loving, I'm amazed!
....best friends who I have had forever and still talk to me even though I drive them crazy
....a comfortable job where I get paid every month
....the short ride to work everyday which adds about an hour to my life
....all necessary working parts of a body barring strange skin
....no life scarring experiences that could shut me down for life
....the cutest niece in the universe
....the mother who made me want to travel
....the father who let me go even to places that they disapproved of
....the parents who showed me the joy of reading
....american TV!!
....all the yummy smelling products that my entire salary goes on!
....The Internet and on the world wide web - facebook, instant messenger, games
....a time when I straddle both the old and the new making me feel like anything is possible
....the friends in whose company many wonderful hours were spent doing nothing
....the various academic institutions I attended who contributed to making me who I am
....for friends who never let you forget where you come from

I just wanted to be publicly grateful for all that is right in my life - this list does not even cover half of it but it's a start!

Till Death do us part....

....the death referred to in the vows in today's case is the death of the relationship! All around me, I seem to viewing broken marriages - I believe I've blogged before about how the workplace has an unusually high number of divorced people but since then I've heard of a lot of marriages break up and I suppose it really hit home when a friend of mine announced semi seriously that she was thinking of leaving her husband. It just reinforces my belief that waiting to get married is not necessarily a bad thing - it makes you really sure of who you are as a person so you don't suddenly discover yourself a couple of years down the line and realise you are no longer fitting in to the half you have chosen. Essentially, in my mind that's it!! You choose to be one half of a whole - all decisions, all thoughts need to be shared and it makes it much easier if you come with your own views. I think in this case though, I'm definitely an idealist - my family's great marriages have obviously given me a rose coloured view of what really exists. My mother's great problem is that people don't give it a shot - they opt out for what she thinks are minor difficulties. I disagree in that I don't think affairs or physical abuse are the only reasons to opt out of a marriage - if a mistake has been made, a mistake has been made - and I don't see why you should spend the rest of your life tied to a person you have nothing in common with. I've also realised that it takes some adjusting to live with a person and if you don't learn how to deal with the smaller problems or if you ignore them thinking why fight over such a small issue, when the big one comes along, it blind sides you and you are left floundering coz you don't have the training to tackle it! There are so many reasons that people can't work out relationships and I know it sounds like I'm passing judgement on getting married early but it's not that - I think my problem is with getting married too soon - I agree if you started dating someone at 16, at 24 you need to take the relationship to the next level - you can't meander in the same state forever!! Not that I think that all divorces are necessarily acrimonious - it's just that I've never met anyone who thinks divorce helped them be a better person!
I suppose all this is coming from the fact that I am somewhat under pressure to get married by next year end and this is not a comfortable timeline for my already married once better half and I think it's not worth the effort to try to anticipate a tentatively agreed date when all around me I can see the not so succesful results of unions!

What's been going on?

The perfect Margarita:
2 Parts Tequila: 1 parts Triple Sec: 2 part Margarita Mix

This is how I killed Friday night at home with friends.
Saturday night spent between the airport and Toto's.
Sunday spent tidying house, watching 'M*A*S*H' and first half of 'Don'.
Thursday night was spent in a plane back from Bangalore.
Wednesday was spent in front of the TV as was Tuesday and Monday.
Sunday included church and a walk.
The previous Saturday had B-52's, Blush Zinfandel and lots of auto's.

The week also included lots of long distance phone calls and constant texting.

Shopping of the week:

• lingerie
• bag
• belt
• kurta

Gifts received:

• The awesomest pair of red shoes ever [How I wish I had a camera phone!!]
  
• A lovely pin tuck bronze-y shirt
• a purple shirt with matching multicolored sweater [like a twin set but not twin!!]
• pink and orange OMO top

What I have learned this week that absence does not make the heart grow fonder - it makes you realise how fond your heart already is!!

So many things - so little time!

I've just going to list all the stuff that has happened...not in exact chronological order!

• I got lasik surgery done on Saturday
• I was no longer blind by Sunday
• To make up for the loss of glasses, I went shopping [bought 2 tops, green & cream and a pair of shoes, pink & brown in the same shoes]
• Went to Club IX on Sunday where the waiters outnumbered us 6:1, I'm serious and I remember those days when one could not get a waiter to serve you for hours
• Revisited Harmony thrice a week and still wasted food
• Finalised weekend plans for Goa with the Manali Gang and Holiday plans with R
• Met A & K at Toto's where I drank a small glass of wine which was equal to the price of a whole pitcher
• for the first time ever, I tried to tell my dad something [I normally let my mom do this job] and he cut me off b4 I began
• I think I made someone write again
• Went to Toto's on Thursday and got my best friend back
• and I defined a new space in my life - semi semi thing thing!!

The thing is the old saying is true - when it rains, it pours! I'm kinda finding it hard to balance my life the way I want it- normally I have the least stress on priorities since I can weigh up everything but in some cases I'm learning, one cannot rely on the past and one needs to look at the future. I hope it gets easier with time since I like the life that I had but I want the life I can see!

5 Friends every chick needs!

There are these whole lists of articles on the list of the 5 friends every chick needs - some of those listed have 10 friends......some of the titles are personal shopper, sister in a suit, the comedian, the wild child. I know I have my posse of people I turn to in a crisis and they all fulfill different roles - not so specific as a personal shopper but general shoulders to cry on types.

1. The sister of my heart - I'm an only child but I have a best friend who understands me completely - she knows I just need to vent and I don't need to be told what to do - and even if she does, she knows if I don't like it, I'm just gonna ignore it!! so yeah, but she is the first person I turn to even if she lives across 3 oceans and 2 continents! I think what she fulfills is the need that I will still be loved after the crisis - I'm not a bad person since she is there for me forever!

2. The strategist - Her husband finds this entertaining since she has never followed strategy herself but she gives me the guidelines to solutions - its like she tells me this is what needs to be done - whether we do it or not is irrelevant but this is the way to go ahead. This is extremely helpful for guy issues since guy minds are unfathomable to me - inspite of having more guy friends than girl friends at times!

3. The distant observer - this is someone (different person each time, mostly) who is quite removed from the issue at hand but since part of your daily life has a keen understanding of you and your perspective and thus can dole out pearls of wisdom that is quite appealing to you.

4. The I don't feel for you girl - she just listens and laughs at the situation which is not all that entertaining for you but it reminds you it's not the end of the world and worse can happen! [this is also often the role played by sister of the heart but she is forgiven for this]! When this happens, I get reminded of the scene in Notting Hill where Julia Roberts is hyperventilating about being caught by the paparazzi and Hugh Grant is like my best friend fell down steps and can't walk anymore - Perspective is what is needed for catastrophe!

5. The clueless friend - this is sometimes the most crucial one, when all is lost just call and go out with someone who has no idea of whats up, letting you avoid the problems in your life. This friend will rib you about some idiotic issue of many years past, letting you feel that oh god! you were as foolish then so nothing much has changed!!

I think if it were not the roles kind of defined over here, I would never survive through anything. My parents are the most important but all these give me the daily balance necessary to survive through life!!

These are the links to 2 of the lists - articles off the net!
1. 10 friends every girl needs
2. 5 friends every girl needs