To remind me....

I love you not only for what you are,
But for what I am when I am with you
I love you not only for what you have made of yourself
But for what you are making me
I love you for the part of me that you bring out.
I love you for passing over all my foolish and weak traits,
That you can't help but see
I love you for drawing out into the light my beauty,
That no one else had looked quite far enough to dim
I love you.

The wedding preps finally caught up with me yesterday - Cried thrice - only knowing the juggler is at the end of it makes it worthwhile!

American History X

The dichotomy of American History fascinates me - on one hand, there was this influx of immigrant Europeans trying to retain their way of life in a new land and on the other, they denied the same right to the African slaves.

I read 'Cane River' by Lalita Tademy  which is a fictionalised account of her family's slave history and the difficult choices they face - the book ends in the early 1930's. Now halfway through 'The Help' by Kathryn Sockett, which talks about black maids in the 1960's at the time of desegregation.

 In the help, the crux so far is black women raising white children for them to become the mistresses in turn. In Cane River, the light skinned move to different towns to deny the african roots, mothers/children are sold to different areas so the owner's offence is not in the face of the family everyday - making you wonder all those generations of history which are untraceable.

Is this also what makes the US so great - the lack of history making it easy to overcome cultural taboos?

In India, with the caste system and general knowledge of where you come from makes it impossible for many people to knuckle down and embrace change - stagnating the country as a whole - we have a mindset to follow, revere people  - thus moving from royalty to dynastic politics - choosing the same name again and again as a route to familiar. 

It seems that the very things that make a culture proud are the same that can be a pitfall - which I suppose  is the root of the saying 'Pride comes before a Fall'!

Random fact!

Even though, I claim 'Clueless' as my favourite movie, it probably is Sleepers'. To me the movie exemplifies the word 'poignant' - I don't know what it is that makes it so - the friendship between the boys, the waste of lives, the unfinished story between Carol and Micheal, the relationship between Fr.Bobby and the boys - something about the movie makes me feel.

For me, the film manages to clearly show the loss of innocence, from the mischievous children to to the stoic adults.  It also clearly depicts choice - how 2 boys followed the obvious decisions while others managed to break away, even though it involves cutting a part of who you are. 

It's the sort of movie that makes me appreciate my life, appreciate the art of telling a story and the strength of human relationships!

On the auspicious occasion of 20.10.2010

the Wedding Numbers for 12.12.2010

• Little under 2 months to the 3 wedding ceremonies
• 1 Bridesmaid missing
• 2 dress designers -0 number of fittings for the dress
• 1 pair of shoes bought
• 3 friends with weddings on the same weekend
• 300 wedding cards printed -5 cards distributed
• 250 favours bought -200 people on guest list
• 1 honeymoon booked
• 3 friends knocked up who cannot make it to the wedding
• 2 excited people - 1 Happy couple who cannot wait for it!

Love is blind....

and dumb and in my case, mostly also deaf!

presenting "Amazing Choices" - the line of boys I've had crushes on over the years:

1. The boy who spoke no english part 1 - in his defense, very sweet. 
2. the boy who spoke no english part 2 - in my defense, I was stupid!
3. the boy who spoke no english part 3 also known as the boy who had a gf, dated me and married a 3rd girl - There is no defense!
4. the boy in the red sleeveless tshirt at a party - in my defense, I was drunk!
5. the boy with the beavis and butthead laugh - in his defense, he was stupid!
6. the boy with the cap which said mine is longer than yours - in my defense, it was funny!
7. the boy with the abba song - not so bad really, just the friend hated it!
8. the boy with snot on his nose - in my defense,I was very young and did not know any better!
9. the drunk drummer - the whole college also!
10. the stoned hostelite - half the college in this case!

Saved by the following:

• my best friend's brother
• My best friend
• finally the Juggler!!

Things to do

in this gorgeous rainy weather better than typing this post!

• vada pav and chai at a *tapri* underneath a *chattri*
• read a romantic novel curled up in a quilt against a partially open window
• walk along the sea face - marine drive, carter rd, bandstand
• drink whisky in coffee (the only way I can tolerate it!)
• Watch the rain fall down in the comfort of your own home

*tapri* - roadside stall
*chattri* - umbrella

Lyrics that strike a chord

Sometimes, a song sticks in your mind, not because you like the music but because the lyrics describe your life - not just in a 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' way (Thank You Cyndi Lauper!) but it reminds you of how you wanted your life to be or how it was!

I Hate Luv Storys - Sadka - Ab Maine Kal Apne Tere Sang Soche Hai


Lady Antebellum -  Stars Tonight - Guys with white pearl buttons looking just like Springsteen


Kings of Leon - Revelry - just know it was you all along who had a hold of my heart,but the demon in me was the best of friends from the start, so the time we shared,it was precious to me,all the while I was dreaming of revelry!


John Mayer - Heartbreak Warfare - How come the only way to know how high you get me
is to see how far I fall?


Lady Antebellum - Need You Now - It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now


Dido - Here With Me - And I don't want to move a thing, It might change my memory

Recommended Watching: Music and Lyrics

Edited to Add: I think Eminem is one of the greatest lyricists - I belong to the school of thought that views Rap as poetry for me generation.
Love the way you lie: That's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano

Turning Three Oh!

April this year, heralded the first of my friends to turn 30, followed by one in May - this month sees the list take off with 2, then 3 in September followed by another 2 in October then the random strays culminating with me in May next year .




30 now seems to me to be the big step into Responsibility - it is the sense that I will finally have to take charge of my life. In the 20's, I could shrug it off – too busy enjoying graduate studies, living away from home and then financial independence for the first time! Being responsible for myself could always take a backset but at 30, there is no such excuse!


Having taken the first step by getting married *huge sigh of relief*, I threaten to embrace it inspite of the 19 year old in my heart. Looking around me, I see all mature individuals actually making difficult life choices. At this threshold, I see friends raising children, having babies, planning weddings. I also see friends making difficult decisions to end marriages/relationships that are not working or refusing to settle for anything. I do see people who are still stuck in a timewarp, discussing life and retaining attitudes of a life, 10 years ago but this *thank god* is a limited number.


After this year, I can no longer claim to be a child (never mind what my parents think!) - I will be living on my own, *running* a house, responsible to another individual as an equal - all scary scary thoughts. I know friends have done it and succeeded very well but it is difficult!


30 also implies financial planning - what used to be water through my fingers earlier now needs to be accounted for with issues like rent, savings, and education to consider. Debt free credit card existence is no longer good enough - in fact, debts like house loans, car loans are actively embraced.


Adulthood is finally around the corner and in spite of having delayed it by 10 years, How can I still not know if I’m ready for it?

Recommended Reading: Mike Gayle - Turning 30

Life is short....

I was discussing the books I've read, liked, hated along with authors with my friend N and I suddenly had a revelation. I used to be able to get through anything once I started - it used to be a matter of principle - if I started the book, I had to finish it. I was also experimental (in fiction) reading varied authors like Sophie Kinsella as well as Gabriel Garcia Marquez in the same time (of course, much more was read of SK - I mean, Shopaholic, come on!!). However nowadays, I really have to be captivated by the description/synopsis of a book to be bothered to attempt to read it and yes, I say attempt, coz if the book don't grab my attention by like 50 pages, it bye bye bookie!
The revelation being the reason: Before, I never had a job! College was fun, MBA even funner, and you used to get vast periods of time off so you could indulge these whims of trudging through the boring written word just so I could say - I did it! However, once you start to work and a lot of your time is spent doing things you don't necessarily enjoy or even dislike, it is much harder to spend your precious me time, suffering through something you have no interest in!
This explains why my currently read books include such illustrious titles as Chasing Daisy, Love Rosie, One Day, Twenties Girl while my half read copies of Arranged Marriages and Circle of Reason lie gathering dusts on the distant side table! not to mention the bible for all bibliophiles A Suitable Boy has never been turned beyond the 100th page!

Edited to Add: Finished Arranged Marriages last night. Also have friend who is Editor (Therefore reads for a living) and yet manages to read everything BUT pulp fiction! so clearly this is just a me phenomenon!

Wedding preps...

• Groom - check
• Venue - check
• Church booking - check
• Marriage preparation course - check 
• Dress maker - check
• Bridesmaid - check
• Flowergirls - check
• Wedding theme+colour - check 
• Flowers - check
• Wedding checklist - check 
• Permission from Pope - ??

What's the point in planning a wedding if you don't have the permission to be married?

How much is Too Much?

At what point, do you stop and say 'Enough'?

• 
  
  Is it when the jack ass break ups with you at first fight?
• 
  
  or when your boss starts treating you like his secretary?
• 
  
  when you're not sure if it's comfort thats keeping you together?
• 
  
  when he cannot hear what you are saying coz he is too busy looking at you?
• 
  
  when he screams at the slightest thing to the point of hysteria?
• 
  
  when the job you struggled to get folds up in 3 weeks?
• 
  
  When he dates your best friend?
• 
  
  when your ex meets someone new at an event you organised?
• 
  
  when he cheated on you time after time for 3 years?
• 
  
  when the love of your life tells you he is getting married coz he cannot wait for you forever?
• 
  
  when you stopped learning at the job but are continuing out of timidness?

I always wonder about people's thresholds - what is the one step that makes the line a dot?

Some people have the ability to take much more than others but at what point, do you need to say this is it?

This has been on my mind for a while with a friend whose life turned upside down. She was always a 'doer' and had a good life with some blips prior but this last strain of bad luck seemed to turn her into a different person. I realised to me, that was enough - when the issues change who you are, the break needs to be made - when you look at yourself and you struggle to recognise the person - I think you need to say 'Enough' - I need to cut my losses and move on with life. This need to prove something to yourself, to make the experience worthwhile is not worth it for me if at the end of the day, I lose myself to prove it.

Thank you

Today I sat through the first day of the Marriage Preparation Course which is mandatory to be married in the Roman Catholic Church of India - In it, the things I learned today among others was the anatomy and physiology of male/female, the updated version of the Rhythm Method and esteem issues. Considering the juggler and I are 'Evolved' human beings - the course covered ground we already knew or had passed in the beginning of our relationship - making it truly a trying experience for the 2 of us and that was just the first day!

Since the juggler also made a 'mistake' in his 'youth' , we have also done a circle of marriage tribunal law, submitting documents from birth certicates to affidavits regarding practice of catholicism and children we might have and sending 4 witnesses to talk about the mistake, all so we can get married in the church.

I'm still not sure if this process is going to be worth it, but I promised myself I would do everything from my end to ensure it happens, the rest I leave in the hands of God and apparently, his chosen ones!

Through all this, I would like to say an immense 'Thank you' to the juggler for his stoicism in the face of what must be complete insanity to someone who has not been brought up in a demanding religion! To me, its just something you take for granted, that you need to earn your right to things but not-so for others. I appreciate the complete and utter committment he has made evident in this crazy rigmarole and love him much for it even if the 3 things he loves most about me are actually about him!

10 jobs I think I'd like....

Please note I'm not saying careers coz over time I have realised, to me the job is a job!

1. Tour Guide
2. Features writer/journalist
3. Fashion/beauty editor
4. Mattress trial person (I'm assuming it involves a lot of sleeping)
5. TV show rater
6. Facebook stalker (I never said the job existed!)
7. Food taster
8. Social media user
9. Back up Dancer (I'm not sure exactly how stressful this is but in the last row, can't be so bad!) *
10. Librarian

Someone else also has a list of slacker careers!
* Pixy tells me this is 8 hours of very hard work on a slow day even in the last row (ref comments below) so no-can-do!
Thank you Pix!

If you divorce and remarry you can't take communion. But if you molest children you can celebrate mass.

aslo linked: The Great Catholic Cover-Up [Both discovered through @soniafaleiro on twitter.]

The title really strikes a chord with me since as some of you know I am running around trying to get a dispensation from the Pope to get married in Church. It amazes me where the church turns a blind eye to child molestation but instead puts in place laws and tenets regarding marriage and divorce! Would you not think that ruining a child's innocence is a far greater crime than making a mistake as an adult?

 

Multitalent amazes me!

I've been reading 'The Big Blind' by Louise Wener - the author note says she used to be the lead singer of Brit pop band 'Sleeper' with 3 Top 10 albums and 8 Top 40 singles! I find this kind of talent across spheres fascinating - It truly commands respect!

Other people with Multitalent:

• Leonardo Da Vinci - Artist, Architecht, Inventor/Scientist,Writer, General Genius
• Shari Shattuck - Actress, Author
• Boman Irani - Photographer,Actor
• Anuj Saxena - Actor, Businessman

I find Maria Shriver also a fount of talent - Journalist, Author (not such a jump I know) but it takes skill to be a member of the Kennedy family and married to Arnold Schwarzenegger!

Actor/Musician has a lot of people in the category - practically everyone seems to do that cross over. Ronn Moss, Keanu Reeves, Jared Leto, Hilary Duff, Lindsay Lohan, Leighton Meester, Taylor Momsen....

I have not included peopel who have multi talents in their spheres to much - I'm always impressed by songwriter/singers or singer/composers but I think AR Rahman deserves a special mention because he is a veritable powerhouse of Talent in the field of music!

Happy Video of the day...year...lifetime!

So One has been been getting on the bus to depressedville quite often this month, not really making it there...
however this also helps to make me giggle and remember my life is not so bad....I could have been an adolescent/twenty something in the 80's and then my life would really be a disaster!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySsbw7SSWt8

Red Carpet thoughts!

• 
  
  Sandra Bullock's lipstick scares me!
• 
  
  Charlize Theron thought we would not be able to find her boobs so she wore directions
• 
  
  J.Lo wore an icecream!
• 
  
  What is it with dead birds at the end of minidresses - Demi Moore, Vera Farmiga, Elizabeth Banks(who is she?),
• 
  
  Zoe Saldanha looks like an alien that should be on Na'avi is on the end of her dress instead!
• 
  
  Love Love Love Rachel McAdam's dress!
• 
  
  Miley Cyrus bottom half is so pretty - so sad she forgot to wear the top of it!
• 
  
  Yum Yum Yum!Taylor Lautner - I'm a cougar!
• 
  
  Cameron Diaz looked gorgeous - can I have that dress for my wedding?
• 
  
  SJP's dress needs an explanation - mathematical, astrophysics, anything?
• 
  
  Sigourney Weaver wore a bow???? did she think she had to bring a gift?
• 
  
  From twitter, for the first time, Best Director may be prettier than Best Actress (will credit when find the tweet again!)
• 
  
  ummm.... James Cameron left Katherine Bigelow for that?
• 
  
  Helen Mirren has to be the most graceful person I have ever seen
• 
  
  Anna Kendrick's dress was also really pretty - 2nd wedding?

Other random opinions from Twitter:@blaftness: Invade nation. Bomb to hell for 7 yrs. Kill lakhs. Make complex sensitive movie about the experience. Celebrate with moving awards show.

It's complicated!

used to be a Facebook option for a relationship status but I think everyone can choose this - whether you are married, engaged, dating or even single! 

Watching the movie of the same name, it makes you wonder what makes relationships work. In the case of Jane and Jake Adler, it had past it's sell by date - having screwed it up once, they were simply in different places and stages in their lives to make it work again - this in spite of being very well matched!

I have had timing issues with someone who most people would think would be be a perfect match but having missed the boat on several occasions, that ship has now sailed!I know of others who have found their perfect match but found it too early that they cannot hold onto it while growing as a person. Friends have moved continents for love only to have the relationship end. Married friends have issues with change - as a person, as a unit - basically, Relationships are complicated!

The film also focuses on how the children are affected - even adult on the verge of marriage themselves children find it hard to keep adjusting to changes in the relationship of their parents! I find this is true in the case of friends also, most couples tend to have his and her sets for the first couple of years - after finding your legs in a relationship, you eventually settle into a comon set though I have friends who usurped their partner's friends as their own after the split. A relationship no matter how much we can say is between 2 people, it impacts more lives than that - family,friends - it's all a part of the relationship - coz they also help define the individual in the same!

When I see my parents, my family or just generally look around me at successful happy couples, I wonder how? what is the secret that they possess? is it a family recipe, is it just luck, is it a facade? I'm not sure what exactly the answer is - is it just one or a mixture of many? People can say what they want but one thing for sure - it's not simple!

In My Good Books

So I've had a bit of a reading renaissance - I have successfully finished

• Georgette Heyer - Friday's Child - she is self explantory, one of my favourite authors
• Lalita Tademy - Cane River: Highly recommend this book...it's about slaves in Southern States of American from the late 1700's or so till it ends in 1936 - fictionalized account of the author's family - it really resonates!
• Rick Riordan - Percy Jackson series: I finished 2.5 books in one night - that should tell you how addictive the story is - the style of writing is ok but the story is fabulous - It basically takes Greek mythology, tells you it exists today and whoopie! you're off!
• P.G Wodehouse - Laughing Gas: Not his best  Novel-not-in-a-series but still a good read, predictable but good!
• Lynee Truss - Tennyson's Gift: Not fantastic but at least I can now name one work by Tennyson. Interesting to see how the author links up famous authors and artists from that time - Lewis Carroll, Tennyson, artist G.F Watts - It also introduced me to the art of Phrenology - one learns new things everyday!
• Kathy Reichs - Devil Bones: The main character in this series is Dr.Temperance Brennan - yes! That's right of the famous TV serial 'Bones' (I love that show and not just because David Boreanaz(a.k.a Angel from Buffy the VampireSlayer') is in it). I found it a little too technical for my liking but also learnt something new from the book about different religions like Voodoo and Santeria - always nice to know Roman Catholicism is not the answer to everything!
• Kathryn Fox - Skin and Bones: The best way to get hooked onto reading again is to read a crime novel -the gruesome and grisly ensure that you finish what you start so the habit begins! This was a onetime read but if I see a book by the author at an airport, would definitely pick up the copy!
• Malcolm Gladwell - Outliers: This was actually recommended to me by my cousin and though it's a fun read, I would not say it pointed out something that I had never heard of before - community is important, family support, etc etc
• Matthew Reilly - Seven Ancient Wonders: The book would be a one time read but for the amazing descriptions of the wonders espescially the Hanging Gardens of Babylon and the fortress - These are fictional but still fabulous!. There are pictorial representations of the wonders as well which I thoroughly enjoyed.

What I also need to mention are the books that I have not finished in the course of the year:

• Joanne Harris - Rune Marks: the book seems interesting enough but cannot hold my attention to actually finish it
• Kim Edwards - The Memory Keeper's Daughter: Again, stuck at the quarter way point
• Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie - That Thing Around Your Neck: Luckily, these are short stories so I completed 4 but still have 5-6 to make my way through - Gaaah!
• Vikram Seth - A Suitable Boy: I started this book thrice over teh course of 2 yrs - one time even making it to a 100 pages but cannot cannot bring myself to do it! by the time, I sort out the characters, I'm like Gimme an MB!

I'm feeling like a Jew in Germany

in 1939 - the writing is on the wall and I'm white washing over it! I'm Indian, I'm Roman Catholic and I'm fed up! Nothing seems to work anymore - if its not enough that outside forces/terrorists attack us, we seem to attack ourselves - Whether its the religion card or the community card, it all seems to work - the average person on the street seems to be waiting to be told who his next victim is! By thinking that we are a young democracy, am I turning a blind eye to a deep rooted  problem in the system? Do I need to wait till there is complete anarchy or we turn into a dictatorship to make the hard decision to leave? It's not something I ever thought I would do - being the daughter of a IAF fighter pilot automatically instills in you a sense of pride and yes ownership  - but as an owner, do I need to sink with the ship? 

One of the reasons I always looked askance on moving abroad is that it is not where you come from - you are always a second class citizen - things are not the same as in India where you fit in seamlessly. But lately, I have been feeling like a second class citizen here as well - I mean I look the same but in spite of  having a decent job, my money goes nowhere. Ok the rich are rich in any country, but at least middle class gives you aspiration to a better life. It seems to me now better to be a rung lower in another country since that country's ladder is higher than ours! 

My biggest fear now is that we can turn into Afghanistan - I'm not sure exactly what Afghanistan is like but in my mind, it was run over by religious terrorists and I would like to know what the previous decade was like before the final power take over?

What I need is a country where I feel safe from persecution of any kind, where hard work has reward and society is progressive - I know I know It's called Utopia!

Feb+March 2010

I had the gall to ask the charade why she was posting in bullet points while blogging about her vacation only to realise that when I eventually sit myself down to write, I end up doing a recap post in bullet points or a to-do list in the same! I cannot seem to bring myself to end the cycle - the way I look at it, if I cannot use the blog to express my feelings/thoughts (about personal issues), it serves me well as a snapshot of my life at the time. When I read previous entries, It recaptures for me the person who I was at the time and if I cannot write that, let it at least remind me of things that I accomplished and also the things I let slide!

Some of the big things in this year have happened - Friend's wedding in Goa  (ref pic above) and the BIG event at the end of the year is my own! 

However in between are little bits of joy as well - in 2 weeks time, I will doing a road trip with my parents and the FANCY! I know I know, HUGE risk but the way I look at it, they are stuck with each other, the same way I'm stuck with them, they may as well learn now how to get along in confined spaces! so essentially, A and I are taking the train to Jodhpur - my parents are going there for a course reunion (Airforce/Maruth for those interested). From there, we will drive to Jaisalmer (my last posting as an AF brat), Mt.Abu, (never been) Baroda (to see the fam), Daman(also never been). Now, I love road trips - having been twice from Bombay to Ooty and also year before last to Bijapur! I find travelling through the countryside exhilerating and edifying.....cannot say the same of the Fancy who has never been on one and cannot seem to fathom why one should be on one! since he claims I'm the only one he can holiday with - the other person being tied down with wife and baby, he has grudgingly agreed to try it out this once! I'm crossing my fingers for it to work out - the more new things he learns to like, the easier travelling will get once we are married!

I've realised people are not kidding when they say the more things you have in common, the better it is! I love being my own person but when you have to come from opposite directions, the middle is that much further away!

"Fate chooses your relations, you choose your friends."

- Jacques Delille (1738 - 1813) French poet.

There are many versions of the title quote... my mother received this on a deflt dish " Chance made us sisters, Hearts made us friends". Recently, I've been reading a lot of posts on friendships and also on the different kinds e.g. The bride talks of her circle of friends and also whether friends/friendship should affect life decisions.
She also noted to me that I undertook change (moving cities to study and then to work) and never let the friends left behind influence me. Also both changes but espescially the move to study landed with a fabulous lot of people making the 2 years a joy - the lack of education may be lamented by the parents but the experience was excellent! Today at work, an office colleague pointed out my social nature which begs this point - one of the reasons, change becomes easy for me is I'm adaptable. This is different in nature from malleable - If I don't want to do it, you can't make me but I'm willing to adapt to what you want. I make an effort to integrate and generally this works.
I recently went for the alumni meet of above attended university, for the first time sans my gaggle of girls and enjoyed myself with the old friends. I must note I no longer regularly meet the gang mostly due to the fact of the Fancy and marginally also because they all live in different suburbs. Here I must include this quote: "It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."- Ralph Waldo Emerson. When you are practically living with people for 2 years, there is nothing that is hidden, there is nothing that is sacred, there is no line. However years on, I wonder about this line - can I put it in place now? I no longer live with you which implies a lack of daily contact - this lack of contact spanning to weeks and months - at what point do I say, we are no longer who we were, we have moved on...maybe without intending to but the fact is, it happened.

"Have no friends not equal to yourself."- Confucious (551 - 497 BC) Chinese philosopher .
What is wrong about the title quote though is that even in friends, sometimes it is not a choice - it is making the best out of what is there. School friends tend to the most numerous and least discerning - she sat next to you in class: Friends for life. This I find especially true, later in life, there is a tremendous amount of residual affection for these group of people. Having a base of so much in common, it becomes easy to reconnect and thus take the friendship to a higher level.
With my MBA institute friends, I honestly cannot say that there was a common thread- everyone came from very diverse backgrounds, from large cities to small towns to different cultures - progressive, regressive (this is my opinion of course) but these made for the best experiences - I cannot say it transalates into life long friendship with everybody tho.

This post had been lying in draft for months and I've decided to publish today coz yesterday, I got a completely different point of view from someone who I would now consider a friend[alternatively to use Sheldon's lingo from The Big Bang Theory-treasured acquaintance]. He puts a sell by date on friendships of 5 years. According to him, no friendship last beyond that due to various factors - girls/boys, distance, change of interests. I don't think it's true - while I agree you need to tryharder at these friendships [a fact I have always pointed out to people - good relationships don't build themselves, any kind!], it's not always work and mostly, it's worth it. I don't have the kind of time I did when I was in college or school to spend with a person and establish common ground. Most of the time, I meet new people while standing in a bar [ not conducive to deep conversations, I might tell you!], which will never give you the type of history you have with someone who has known you for more years than you care to remember!

Both my BFF's are not from school but the 11th std, but that itself makes it 13 yrs that I've known them - I have friends from before that and I have friends from just now as well. Some friendships have dropped off along the way - one because I discovered a lack of interest and one because of a lack of spine but this is not the rule!

If you go into a friendship thinking it has a sell off date, How will you ever be able to establish the kind of relationship that humans need to survive?

Heartbreak warfare

Lightning strikes inside, my chest to keep me up at night
Dream of ways, to make you understand my pain
Clouds of sulfur in the air, bombs are falling everywhere
It's heartbreak warfare
Once you want it to begin, no one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare
If you want more love, why don't you say so?
If you want more love, why don't you say so?
Drop his name, push it in and twist the knife again
Watch my face as I pretend to feel no pain (1)
Clouds of sulfur in the air bombs are falling everywhere
It's heartbreak warfare
Once you want it to begin, no one really ever wins
In Heartbreak warfare.
If you want more love, why don't you say so? (2)
If you want more love, why don't you say so? Just say so...
How come the only way to know how high you get me
is to see how far I fall? (3)
God only knows how much I'd love you if you let me
But I can't break through at all.
It's heartbreak...
I don't care if we don't sleep at all tonight, let's just fix this whole thing now
I swear to God we're gonna get it right, If you lay your weapon down (4)
Red wine and ambien, you’re talking shit again,
It’s heartbreak warfare
Good to know it's all a game, Disappointment has a name,
It’s heartbreak warfare.

Apparently, John Mayer wrote this song during his relationship with Jennifer Aniston.
Which brings to mind couple of thoughts:

Jennifer Aniston related:

- Jennifer Aniston is not over Brad Pitt
- Brad Pitt really did a number on her

Generally on relationships*:
Taking (1): to constantly bring up an ex’s name cannot be good for you, forget a relationship. It implies a static state with no growth or no movement. It’s not just pushing and twisting the knife in another person, its reminding you about the wound – it will never heal if you rip off the plaster ever so often!
Taking (2): Very few people come out and say what they want in relationships, they seem to think that true loves includes mind reading. “No I don’t know what you’re feeling – my background, personality, experiences lead me to derive different inferences/conclusions from a situation and I need to be explained your point of view”
Taking (3): I think this line summarizes abusive relationships, not necessarily physical abuse. The only way some people can measure love is to see how much pain they can inflict on another. The tolerance level to them is an indication of the quality/quantity of love. I think in this case also, a previous betrayal leaves a person so broken and unable to trust that they cannot take the affection at face value – they need to destroy it to believe it existed.
Taking (4): there is so much baggage from previous relationships that even if you think you’re over it, people are using their previous experiences as weapons. It’s like I’d rather strike first than have the pain inflicted on me again!

I’ve never been a huge John Mayer fan – that’s the Fancy’s department! He’s always raving about the lyrics e.g. Daughters but this song really makes me think!

* Having only had the one (successful) relationship, this is my opinion looking at other peoples and reading about famous ones in magazines!