- Jacques Delille (1738 - 1813) French poet.
There are many versions of the title quote... my mother received this on a deflt dish " Chance made us sisters, Hearts made us friends". Recently, I've been reading a lot of posts on friendships and also on the different kinds e.g. The bride talks of her circle of friends and also whether friends/friendship should affect life decisions.
She also noted to me that I undertook change (moving cities to study and then to work) and never let the friends left behind influence me. Also both changes but espescially the move to study landed with a fabulous lot of people making the 2 years a joy - the lack of education may be lamented by the parents but the experience was excellent! Today at work, an office colleague pointed out my social nature which begs this point - one of the reasons, change becomes easy for me is I'm adaptable. This is different in nature from malleable - If I don't want to do it, you can't make me but I'm willing to adapt to what you want. I make an effort to integrate and generally this works.
I recently went for the alumni meet of above attended university, for the first time sans my gaggle of girls and enjoyed myself with the old friends. I must note I no longer regularly meet the gang mostly due to the fact of the Fancy and marginally also because they all live in different suburbs. Here I must include this quote: "It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."- Ralph Waldo Emerson. When you are practically living with people for 2 years, there is nothing that is hidden, there is nothing that is sacred, there is no line. However years on, I wonder about this line - can I put it in place now? I no longer live with you which implies a lack of daily contact - this lack of contact spanning to weeks and months - at what point do I say, we are no longer who we were, we have moved on...maybe without intending to but the fact is, it happened.
She also noted to me that I undertook change (moving cities to study and then to work) and never let the friends left behind influence me. Also both changes but espescially the move to study landed with a fabulous lot of people making the 2 years a joy - the lack of education may be lamented by the parents but the experience was excellent! Today at work, an office colleague pointed out my social nature which begs this point - one of the reasons, change becomes easy for me is I'm adaptable. This is different in nature from malleable - If I don't want to do it, you can't make me but I'm willing to adapt to what you want. I make an effort to integrate and generally this works.
I recently went for the alumni meet of above attended university, for the first time sans my gaggle of girls and enjoyed myself with the old friends. I must note I no longer regularly meet the gang mostly due to the fact of the Fancy and marginally also because they all live in different suburbs. Here I must include this quote: "It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."- Ralph Waldo Emerson. When you are practically living with people for 2 years, there is nothing that is hidden, there is nothing that is sacred, there is no line. However years on, I wonder about this line - can I put it in place now? I no longer live with you which implies a lack of daily contact - this lack of contact spanning to weeks and months - at what point do I say, we are no longer who we were, we have moved on...maybe without intending to but the fact is, it happened.
"Have no friends not equal to yourself."- Confucious (551 - 497 BC) Chinese philosopher .
What is wrong about the title quote though is that even in friends, sometimes it is not a choice - it is making the best out of what is there. School friends tend to the most numerous and least discerning - she sat next to you in class: Friends for life. This I find especially true, later in life, there is a tremendous amount of residual affection for these group of people. Having a base of so much in common, it becomes easy to reconnect and thus take the friendship to a higher level.
With my MBA institute friends, I honestly cannot say that there was a common thread- everyone came from very diverse backgrounds, from large cities to small towns to different cultures - progressive, regressive (this is my opinion of course) but these made for the best experiences - I cannot say it transalates into life long friendship with everybody tho.
What is wrong about the title quote though is that even in friends, sometimes it is not a choice - it is making the best out of what is there. School friends tend to the most numerous and least discerning - she sat next to you in class: Friends for life. This I find especially true, later in life, there is a tremendous amount of residual affection for these group of people. Having a base of so much in common, it becomes easy to reconnect and thus take the friendship to a higher level.
With my MBA institute friends, I honestly cannot say that there was a common thread- everyone came from very diverse backgrounds, from large cities to small towns to different cultures - progressive, regressive (this is my opinion of course) but these made for the best experiences - I cannot say it transalates into life long friendship with everybody tho.
This post had been lying in draft for months and I've decided to publish today coz yesterday, I got a completely different point of view from someone who I would now consider a friend[alternatively to use Sheldon's lingo from The Big Bang Theory-treasured acquaintance]. He puts a sell by date on friendships of 5 years. According to him, no friendship last beyond that due to various factors - girls/boys, distance, change of interests. I don't think it's true - while I agree you need to tryharder at these friendships [a fact I have always pointed out to people - good relationships don't build themselves, any kind!], it's not always work and mostly, it's worth it. I don't have the kind of time I did when I was in college or school to spend with a person and establish common ground. Most of the time, I meet new people while standing in a bar [ not conducive to deep conversations, I might tell you!], which will never give you the type of history you have with someone who has known you for more years than you care to remember!
Both my BFF's are not from school but the 11th std, but that itself makes it 13 yrs that I've known them - I have friends from before that and I have friends from just now as well. Some friendships have dropped off along the way - one because I discovered a lack of interest and one because of a lack of spine but this is not the rule!
If you go into a friendship thinking it has a sell off date, How will you ever be able to establish the kind of relationship that humans need to survive?
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