on friends

I never realised it's been almost 7 months since I last feel the need to say something! I think I might have forgotten the password to blogger but it's one of the 3 that I use everywhere so got lucky there, unlike my internet banking password where I have set a new one every time I use the damn thing due to my inability to remember what I had chosen the last time - this is further exacerbated by the fact taht they expect you to change every 3 months in any case which means about the time I sort of remember, it's due for change!

There has been a series of minor events in my life - trying to set up a house, hating afore mentioned house, house developing leak, living at mother's for 2 months, finding new house, living with only 2 chairs in new house for nearly 2 months now but still...the floor is sparkling white so feels good to sit on it!

In other news, the BFF had a second baby so I trotted over the 2 oceans and god knows how many countries to visit her, my 2 and three-quarters old godson (first time seeing him by the way) and the new bonny boy who crossed 5 kilos at the 4 weeks stage! I really enjoyed spending time with R and not doing anything at all but chilling in the house and sort of helping to look after the boys (read as letting baby D sleep on me while R rushes around changing, feeding and bathing the baby not to mention the 2.5 yo!!) - very good sort of assistant I is - I tell ya!

on the way  back, stopped off in HK and spent a night with the charade - was great catching up and we stayed up till 2.30 talking - don't ask me about what!

It was this and the 'depression' I have suffered since then which actually brought me back to this forum.

I am 30 years old (yeah that's the other eventful thing that happened - I crossed over to the dark side - was so unhappy could not even do a recap post!) and at this point, 2 of my friends from college live in this city! Hanging out with the girls kinda causes a wrench in my chest because no matter how much I love the friends I have here today, nothing quite compares to someone who has known you for half your life, if not more in some cases! out of the group of 12 girls, around  6 -8 of us are still in fairly close touch one way or another, some more than others leading to everyone being fairly aware of what all are doing. Out of these, 5 are from the same school so even more history from that....these girls understand where you come from always, you have made so many memories, its very easy to share the new ones - somehow we are invested in the children as well coz they are 'of' the friends. It's very easy to resume a conversation even if the last one was years ago. It was not just me who felt this way - both R and Charade also commented on how comfortable and nice it was to just have a conversation in person - another friend also remarked on how she was missing other girls who in turn responded with the same sentiment (maybe we all just 'mawkish'?).

I think part of the problem for me is it's much more difficult to make friends as an adult than as a child/teenager - if you join a university, those people might be carried with you but post that.....I think for me also, I was very happy with the friends that I have and object to replacing the people who suit me just fine even if they live continents away -I'd rather have a phone conversation once a week with the BFF than dinner every day with someone else!

Money Money Money!!

So I pretty much made a killing at the wedding (not including the jewelery given to me by parents, family and inlaws), making the following list a possibility.
Things I've bought ostensibly for the marriage/house:

• Ipad for the 'Husbaand'
• Cupboard+Bed for the house
• Vase to hold flower lights
• Flower lights from Thailand
• Shoe cupboard
• Rattan Laundry basket
• Carina 6 ft lamp
• 22 pc crockery set
• Coffee machine

*edited to add

• Bookshelf
• step sideboard currently used as dressing table
• shoerack

And yay! I still have vouchers left!

In my non missed absence:

• I got married - three times
• had a wedding after party in a fancy ass suite at the Taj Lands End with champagne flowing
• visited Thailand for the first time (Honeymoon)
• stayed in a Pool Villa
• bought fabulous and fabulously expensive shoes
• moved home (Khar)
• been sick for 3 weeks
• started playing House
• discovered maid trauma
• bought things like vegetables, masalas,
• obsessed about putting boxes away
• own 4 chairs too many
• attended 4 weddings - 2 on the same day
• ignored the sales
• started and finished the millenium trilogy
• started planning a trip to the States 

Since TheCharade now has me addicted to fashion blogs, I consider it my duty to opine on the fashion of major awards ceremony. Presenting The Golden Globes:

• Think Amber Riley looked superb 
• Julianne Moore - My God!who said Red clashes with Pink?
• Justin Bieber wears what I was trying to convince my husband to wear for the wedding - Suit with sneakers!
• I understand shoes not matching each other - but to then not match the dress as well! Helena Bonham Carter - explain yourself.
• These 3 look like left overs from Oscar 2010 - Carrie Underwood, Olivia Wilde,
• If January Jones ran out of material, she should have put the apron in front to better use!
• Jennifer Lopez returns to her Latin (read Mexican) roots - by wearing a Poncho!
• This year's icecream - Lea Michele!
• I know it's Glee - but polka dots and checks!! 
• Since I only bought the inner wear, I'll just drape the sheer curtains like a sarong: Halle Berry! 
• Competing for vampire of the week - Jayma Mays and  Piper Perabo!

That's all, folks! Stay tuned for further updates and the Oscars!

Things to do

in this gorgeous rainy weather better than typing this post!

• vada pav and chai at a *tapri* underneath a *chattri*
• read a romantic novel curled up in a quilt against a partially open window
• walk along the sea face - marine drive, carter rd, bandstand
• drink whisky in coffee (the only way I can tolerate it!)
• Watch the rain fall down in the comfort of your own home

*tapri* - roadside stall
*chattri* - umbrella

Turning Three Oh!

April this year, heralded the first of my friends to turn 30, followed by one in May - this month sees the list take off with 2, then 3 in September followed by another 2 in October then the random strays culminating with me in May next year .




30 now seems to me to be the big step into Responsibility - it is the sense that I will finally have to take charge of my life. In the 20's, I could shrug it off – too busy enjoying graduate studies, living away from home and then financial independence for the first time! Being responsible for myself could always take a backset but at 30, there is no such excuse!


Having taken the first step by getting married *huge sigh of relief*, I threaten to embrace it inspite of the 19 year old in my heart. Looking around me, I see all mature individuals actually making difficult life choices. At this threshold, I see friends raising children, having babies, planning weddings. I also see friends making difficult decisions to end marriages/relationships that are not working or refusing to settle for anything. I do see people who are still stuck in a timewarp, discussing life and retaining attitudes of a life, 10 years ago but this *thank god* is a limited number.


After this year, I can no longer claim to be a child (never mind what my parents think!) - I will be living on my own, *running* a house, responsible to another individual as an equal - all scary scary thoughts. I know friends have done it and succeeded very well but it is difficult!


30 also implies financial planning - what used to be water through my fingers earlier now needs to be accounted for with issues like rent, savings, and education to consider. Debt free credit card existence is no longer good enough - in fact, debts like house loans, car loans are actively embraced.


Adulthood is finally around the corner and in spite of having delayed it by 10 years, How can I still not know if I’m ready for it?

Recommended Reading: Mike Gayle - Turning 30

Life is short....

I was discussing the books I've read, liked, hated along with authors with my friend N and I suddenly had a revelation. I used to be able to get through anything once I started - it used to be a matter of principle - if I started the book, I had to finish it. I was also experimental (in fiction) reading varied authors like Sophie Kinsella as well as Gabriel Garcia Marquez in the same time (of course, much more was read of SK - I mean, Shopaholic, come on!!). However nowadays, I really have to be captivated by the description/synopsis of a book to be bothered to attempt to read it and yes, I say attempt, coz if the book don't grab my attention by like 50 pages, it bye bye bookie!
The revelation being the reason: Before, I never had a job! College was fun, MBA even funner, and you used to get vast periods of time off so you could indulge these whims of trudging through the boring written word just so I could say - I did it! However, once you start to work and a lot of your time is spent doing things you don't necessarily enjoy or even dislike, it is much harder to spend your precious me time, suffering through something you have no interest in!
This explains why my currently read books include such illustrious titles as Chasing Daisy, Love Rosie, One Day, Twenties Girl while my half read copies of Arranged Marriages and Circle of Reason lie gathering dusts on the distant side table! not to mention the bible for all bibliophiles A Suitable Boy has never been turned beyond the 100th page!

Edited to Add: Finished Arranged Marriages last night. Also have friend who is Editor (Therefore reads for a living) and yet manages to read everything BUT pulp fiction! so clearly this is just a me phenomenon!

How much is Too Much?

At what point, do you stop and say 'Enough'?

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  Is it when the jack ass break ups with you at first fight?
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  or when your boss starts treating you like his secretary?
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  when you're not sure if it's comfort thats keeping you together?
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  when he cannot hear what you are saying coz he is too busy looking at you?
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  when he screams at the slightest thing to the point of hysteria?
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  when the job you struggled to get folds up in 3 weeks?
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  When he dates your best friend?
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  when your ex meets someone new at an event you organised?
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  when he cheated on you time after time for 3 years?
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  when the love of your life tells you he is getting married coz he cannot wait for you forever?
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  when you stopped learning at the job but are continuing out of timidness?

I always wonder about people's thresholds - what is the one step that makes the line a dot?

Some people have the ability to take much more than others but at what point, do you need to say this is it?

This has been on my mind for a while with a friend whose life turned upside down. She was always a 'doer' and had a good life with some blips prior but this last strain of bad luck seemed to turn her into a different person. I realised to me, that was enough - when the issues change who you are, the break needs to be made - when you look at yourself and you struggle to recognise the person - I think you need to say 'Enough' - I need to cut my losses and move on with life. This need to prove something to yourself, to make the experience worthwhile is not worth it for me if at the end of the day, I lose myself to prove it.

Thank you

Today I sat through the first day of the Marriage Preparation Course which is mandatory to be married in the Roman Catholic Church of India - In it, the things I learned today among others was the anatomy and physiology of male/female, the updated version of the Rhythm Method and esteem issues. Considering the juggler and I are 'Evolved' human beings - the course covered ground we already knew or had passed in the beginning of our relationship - making it truly a trying experience for the 2 of us and that was just the first day!

Since the juggler also made a 'mistake' in his 'youth' , we have also done a circle of marriage tribunal law, submitting documents from birth certicates to affidavits regarding practice of catholicism and children we might have and sending 4 witnesses to talk about the mistake, all so we can get married in the church.

I'm still not sure if this process is going to be worth it, but I promised myself I would do everything from my end to ensure it happens, the rest I leave in the hands of God and apparently, his chosen ones!

Through all this, I would like to say an immense 'Thank you' to the juggler for his stoicism in the face of what must be complete insanity to someone who has not been brought up in a demanding religion! To me, its just something you take for granted, that you need to earn your right to things but not-so for others. I appreciate the complete and utter committment he has made evident in this crazy rigmarole and love him much for it even if the 3 things he loves most about me are actually about him!

I'm feeling like a Jew in Germany

in 1939 - the writing is on the wall and I'm white washing over it! I'm Indian, I'm Roman Catholic and I'm fed up! Nothing seems to work anymore - if its not enough that outside forces/terrorists attack us, we seem to attack ourselves - Whether its the religion card or the community card, it all seems to work - the average person on the street seems to be waiting to be told who his next victim is! By thinking that we are a young democracy, am I turning a blind eye to a deep rooted  problem in the system? Do I need to wait till there is complete anarchy or we turn into a dictatorship to make the hard decision to leave? It's not something I ever thought I would do - being the daughter of a IAF fighter pilot automatically instills in you a sense of pride and yes ownership  - but as an owner, do I need to sink with the ship? 

One of the reasons I always looked askance on moving abroad is that it is not where you come from - you are always a second class citizen - things are not the same as in India where you fit in seamlessly. But lately, I have been feeling like a second class citizen here as well - I mean I look the same but in spite of  having a decent job, my money goes nowhere. Ok the rich are rich in any country, but at least middle class gives you aspiration to a better life. It seems to me now better to be a rung lower in another country since that country's ladder is higher than ours! 

My biggest fear now is that we can turn into Afghanistan - I'm not sure exactly what Afghanistan is like but in my mind, it was run over by religious terrorists and I would like to know what the previous decade was like before the final power take over?

What I need is a country where I feel safe from persecution of any kind, where hard work has reward and society is progressive - I know I know It's called Utopia!

Weighing scales for life

I have issues currently - I'm a little unhappy with a situation at work and I have no idea how to rectify it and eventually it all boils down to balance.
If I crib about every little thing, then I'm the whiny bitch so if there is a big issues, everyone is like oh just another problem. However if you don't make a noise about the little things, when the big issue comes, it's like how is this suddenly a problem?
Also, if I am going to demand these rights, I then need to fit into the concept of the working person in India which is think of work 24/7. I'm good at what I do but I like my life as well. The alternative is to keep quiet and enjoy the life that I do have.
It's about striking a balance: At which point do I start complaining and at what point do I say this is the end of the fight - anything more and it's not worthwhile for me?

Poetry, Paisa and a pinch of salt!

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee."

This is what I have just heard, along with Aubade - Vikram Seth, Pablo Neruda and Simon Armitage [who ride beautiful dark humour but I digress] at an engagement - Yes! I repeat... there was poetry reading at an engagement and this has just confirmed my opinion that I am a reverse snob. I look down from my pedestal of an ordinary middle class individual and laugh at the pretensions of the high and mighty who lament the loss of the Taj as their 'adda' and think reading poetry at their engagements proves them to be English aficionados or whatever else they are trying to say. I have realised I revel in my "Shopping in Linking Road" status as much as I enjoy the occasional visit to a 5 star. I look at my sense of balance and think that I am better than them coz I can do it all - I am not limited by the excess of money to only wearing certain clothes or eating certain foods. And while I readily admit to the pang of jealousy about the lack of economy that allows the rich to travel whenever, I take comfort in the fact that this very fact makes the experience novel for me and my eye is not jaded making every new location fresh and undiscovered and hard earned. The sad part of this is that eventually, I am no better than anybody else coz I am also looking down at people who I think are not worthy of my attention since they have it all!

Another example of how I express this is the fact that I think SRK is better than Aamir Khan mainly due to the point that Shah Rukh is very clear on who he is and how he brings SRK to every role - he does not have pretensions to histrionics or wants to spout about the skin of a role - he says I act like myself in all my films and you know what?? It works - that kind of attitude is refreshing and I appreciate the honesty though it may be a platform/gimmick - it is much more believable than going on about your 'Art'.

Random musings

I've not posted in a bit - mainly coz I've been too busy with life!! So I've been thinking [yes, I do that as well]...... I never prescribed to the theory that people write when they are unhappy or unfulfilled but it seems to be true for me also - when I had less to do or I was not so occupied, I wrote a lot more. Nowadays, I'm happy where I am so there is less need to vent or find an outlet for the energy. It's not like I'm doing anything different - I've seen a couple of movies, read a book [actually in the middle of it], hung out with people but nothing has motivated me to pour my heart out. The thing is...the movies were good - Transformers, Simpsons and Chak De, hanging out was fun also - new people espescially but I have not had that urge to share with the world at large. I seem to be happy sharing it at that moment itself and not need to publicise my opinion to anyone who wants to listen.
This worries me in a way - it means that my life is bigger than my writing! For a lot of people [authors mainly one would suppose..], writing is their life - nothing supersedes that. So again, I don't have a driving passion in life, other than life itself! I don't need to do anything to the exclusion of all else........ even work does not define me. This is scary because it's passion that crosses the line for you from mediocre to brilliant in anything you do. If I lack that passion, how will I ever fulfill what I can? and what's scarier is obviously I don't want to.....
Not that I think that being happy is not enough - it's more than!! I think it's important to have friends, enjoy life, marriage, kids - the works but I think in today's world, you need more definition than that - you need to have your own driving force - your " I need to do this to exist" bit which is seperate from "I need this person to exist" because at the end of the day if all else ceases, you will still have yourself and your "drive" to continue......

5 Friends every chick needs!

There are these whole lists of articles on the list of the 5 friends every chick needs - some of those listed have 10 friends......some of the titles are personal shopper, sister in a suit, the comedian, the wild child. I know I have my posse of people I turn to in a crisis and they all fulfill different roles - not so specific as a personal shopper but general shoulders to cry on types.

1. The sister of my heart - I'm an only child but I have a best friend who understands me completely - she knows I just need to vent and I don't need to be told what to do - and even if she does, she knows if I don't like it, I'm just gonna ignore it!! so yeah, but she is the first person I turn to even if she lives across 3 oceans and 2 continents! I think what she fulfills is the need that I will still be loved after the crisis - I'm not a bad person since she is there for me forever!

2. The strategist - Her husband finds this entertaining since she has never followed strategy herself but she gives me the guidelines to solutions - its like she tells me this is what needs to be done - whether we do it or not is irrelevant but this is the way to go ahead. This is extremely helpful for guy issues since guy minds are unfathomable to me - inspite of having more guy friends than girl friends at times!

3. The distant observer - this is someone (different person each time, mostly) who is quite removed from the issue at hand but since part of your daily life has a keen understanding of you and your perspective and thus can dole out pearls of wisdom that is quite appealing to you.

4. The I don't feel for you girl - she just listens and laughs at the situation which is not all that entertaining for you but it reminds you it's not the end of the world and worse can happen! [this is also often the role played by sister of the heart but she is forgiven for this]! When this happens, I get reminded of the scene in Notting Hill where Julia Roberts is hyperventilating about being caught by the paparazzi and Hugh Grant is like my best friend fell down steps and can't walk anymore - Perspective is what is needed for catastrophe!

5. The clueless friend - this is sometimes the most crucial one, when all is lost just call and go out with someone who has no idea of whats up, letting you avoid the problems in your life. This friend will rib you about some idiotic issue of many years past, letting you feel that oh god! you were as foolish then so nothing much has changed!!

I think if it were not the roles kind of defined over here, I would never survive through anything. My parents are the most important but all these give me the daily balance necessary to survive through life!!

These are the links to 2 of the lists - articles off the net!
1. 10 friends every girl needs
2. 5 friends every girl needs