I do! I do!

So....More people are getting married and again close to home. Let's start with the distanter ones - the boy I used to hang around with constantly in A is getting married to the girl he started seeing at the same time that I was there. In fact, I was there when he made the transition from 'just good friends' to ' more than'. And the next one is a relationship that I broke to the world - again in A, before it was obvious and before I left, I told everybody that this is a relationship and I was dismissed and lo and behold they got engaged 3 weeks ago!!

It's less that I want to be married and more that I dont want other people to be!! It's selfish I know but I've observed that married people seem to have lots less time [much like people who have just entered relationships: reference me!!] but I don't know with the sacrament of matrimony, family and those necessary lines seem to acquire importance relegating the rest of life to a lower rung. Also married people seem to have domestic woes - single people live with family or just don't care!! and even if they do, it never seems to reach that level of discussion as with the married ones.

My close friends who are married don't live in the country so when they come here, they are not in the domestic space - but with everybody else, conversation seems to dwindle. Another feature of marriage is that they come out as a couple mostly - it's nver just girl time or guy time - it's always lets do stuff together. Quite strange!

Anyhoo, I just think, it's much harder to be single, when everyone who used to share your life with has a partner! Maybe it won't be true for my friends, but it's just a scary thought!!

To be or not to be?

Today on my way to watch 'Juno' [ a film about teenage pregnancy and adoption], I picked up the Reader's Digest which had an article about a woman who had undergone invitro fertilisation and had 11 embryos frozen. She produced 31 eggs with the medication instead of the usual 15-20 that other people in the program do which is significantly higher than the one a month u are supposed to create. The thing is she had 2 children using the embryos - 4 each time before one took but she still has 11 frozen - now her dilemma is....what does she do with these embryos?? The options being donate them to research - donate them to other people in the same predicament as she was - or have them destroyed? I find this decision heart breaking.....and so morally gray, I would crumble with the burden of choice
I am anti abortion..on the grounds that you are killing a life - and have been since I was subjected to the video of a gruesome video of one in school. I agree that maybe it may not be be life as soon as you create it but by the time most people discover, a heart beat has started and that to me is life! and in the case of a teenager like Juno - if you were responsible enough to be 'Sexually active' - you have to live with the repurcussions - this is a very easy argument, I know but the alternative is very devastating - an abortion is mind numbing for most people - because at the end of the day you are destroying something that is growing within you! but in a case like this, what do you do?
This is why in some cases, science has progressed too fast for mankind - maybe the difficulty many people are having conceiving is a natural progression of nature to control the population etc etc. and there is always adoption - there have always been millions of children that are born to wrong parents and are just waiting for a chance at a half decent life. I know the question of is it mine? etc will always haunt some people but...the option of wasting 11 embryos is traumatising me. I feel for that woman - how do you make a decision like that? Destroy, research or have your offspring traipsing half way around the globe with no idea that you exist?

In 'Juno', she cannot go through with an abortion and decides to give the child up for adoption. This is the kind of film that I like where the message is good - own up to your mistakes and the world will right itself - I hope....

A place called here

I finished reading P.S. I love you yesterday - I started reading it yesterday also and finally finished at 4 a.m. I actually also bought the book yesterday after reading an article in the March issue of India Vogue on Cecilia Ahern, the author. She is the daughter of the current Irish Prime minister and get this, she is only 25 with 4 novels under her belt. This first one apparently was written at age 21 while she was completing her degree!! and when you read it, you don't think it's written by a 21 year old - I don't think at 21, I would have able to write about grief and surviving - I'm certain I could not do it now but then hey! I've dumbed down over the years. I'm a firm believer in the t-shirt slogan ' I was intelligent and education ruined me' except mine would read ' I am intelligent, work ruined me'. Working does not give u time for yourself - to read, to think or anything. We, at least I, end up obsessed about the way my life is going, what I am not doing without having the time or the inclination to do anything I really want. Most people have to struggle to find time for their hobbies, others have given up on them. How do some people know to the exclusion of all else that this is what they want to do and have the drive to achieve it? I'm thinking of applying to yet another job in the same space when I know I will be unhappy coz eventually this is not what I like doing. but my bigger issue will I like my new calling either?

The title of this post is one of her latest novels - by the by she also produces and writes a TV show, short stories, screenplays etc etc. and I think what I'm trying to get out of it is that there is no place like now - If I want to do something different, It has to be immediate!

To bring me back to the point, is a lot of people I know like to write and like to write creatively [unlike me, I suck at creative, I can only only write real life] but nobody I know has published their first novel by age 23! Apparently the publisher picked it up after reading the first 10 chapters - I might have picked it up after hearing the thought behind it but then I'm a sucker for the 'Great' love story about soul mates etc etc!

and you know what I've discovered? I like to read more than I like to write so maybe I should be like a reader for all then novels a publishing house gets - u know the person who approves or disapproves of it - hee hee!

Another thing this book brings home is that noone has a perfect life - everyone has their own issues and trials and I think most of us should just be glad that the one we face trials with are still here with us and we are not facing it alone - even if it's against a person - it is not alone!

Time wasting techniques

The week before, the most popular social networking sites were banned in office - you were not allowed to access them - facebook and orkut and for some reason , gmail!! The next step apparently is to ban chat - no gtalk, no messenger, no yahoo talk!
I just don't comprehend why the necessity to do this? One of the reasons given - not through official sources - is that uploading of photos etc on to these sites - takes up bandwidth for the internet slowing down other critical processes. This point I cede but the ridiculous notion that this distracts people from work, I find ridiculous. If you don't want to work, nothing is going to make you and If you want to, nothing is going to stop you. This is like living in a police state and not trying to find out the solution but just implementing short term solutions for what is seen as the problem. Personally, I think that if people are not working, then there is a deeper issue - firstly with the management, then the profile, and lastly if nothing else is working then the person's work ethic. and I certainly don't think banning sites is addressing any of these issues.

Also a point to note, I don't think that facebook is the only thing that people can do on the net - all I know is since the facebook ban - I have discovered more interesting blogs and the time to really dig deep into the blogs I already read. I have also rediscovered tickle but it no longer holds the fascination it did. Zapak is a good gaming site and after bubble shooter I have discovered arctic quest - a version of bejeweled and jigsaw puzzle.

And if all these don't work, Dude, I have a phone! All those calls you never seem to get around to making, nows the time!

Mountains, Messes and Magic

I've been missing for 5 days from the real world when I was transported to this unbelievable space of white snow, bright yellow sunshine and green pine trees. I kid you not - when I entered 'Gulmarg' - it felt like something out of a greeting card you send people for Christmas. Just vast fields of snow, with snow capped pine trees with the occasional wooden roof showing through - the only thing missing was the smoke from the wood fire coming out of the chimney which was not visible due to the early evening fog that had already descended.

I don't know how to describe it but the gradual build up of snow to the full fields was a journey in itself. We landed in Srinagar and the route to our final destination skipped the town and went via the bypass which was barren barren land with trees stripped of all their leaves and patches of construction everywhere. Now people living in cold lands maybe used to bald trees but I personally found it a very distressing sight - the earliest I have ever travelled to cold lands is Spring in the states when trees are in full bloom so this was very sad to my eyes. And then the snow started, it originally looked like little patches of white strewn across the ground like next to the steps of the house or in the middle of the front yard and then gradually it spread to more and more places until finally at one point, all I could see was the white. It is an amazing view. I always thought I was a seaside girl, not liking the cold and all u see and loving the sun but the sheer awesome of the mountains is incomparable to the ocean. Don't get me wrong - I'm still a seaside girl at heart - I'm from Bombay for crying out loud but I gotta admit - the mountains have something!! Awe inspiringly beautiful is how I would term it. Maybe the beaches of Greece will have white sand and blue water to compete but I know that Goa lacks in terms of the beauty.

The experience was nice - we did this gondola ride to just under 14000 feet which was so high and breath taking - the panoramic view is unbelievable - I know when I'm writing this that it sounds very trite but these words would have been created to describe scenes like this - it really is panoramic because all you can see is the mountain range stretching on in the distance and it's hard to believe you are on the peak of one. I really understood the adjective weather beaten when you see Kashmiri men - their skin looks it - you know the 'gora gora' pictures they show you of the people is only till a certain age - after 30 their skin is weathered.
I builted a snowman [with the help of 5 other people; it was a team activity competition], which I was not bad at - I sledded which was fun - I walked uphill in the snow which was not an easy tark - the word to describe that is arduous! Actually forget walkingI skied up the mountain, walking in the snow is a difficult process by itself, the number of times people have fallen and lost their balance is innumerable - I did it thrice myself but I know people who swear they have black and blue asses! By the end of the 3 days, lying down was painful for some people,forget sitting.

One of the highlights of the conference was the KK showcase - man! that man can sing! He is just super - I cannot tell you how delightful he was - the day that I joined Sony, Kailash Kher had performed and I was overawed by him but KK is just as good if not better - I know many people preferred KK but I have a soft spot for the type of music Kailash Kher sings [Sufi pop] making me a bit biased.

The costume party was fun and I felt really bad about my costume seeing the effort other people other people had mad. Let me list some of the detailed costumes:

• Bart Simpson with the head
• Barney Rubble [of The Flintstones fame] with a head
• Fred Flintstone himself but no head
• Jasmine of Aladdin fame
• Aladdin himself [2 nos]
• Beast of Beauty and the Beast complete with Lion head
• Batman
• Goofy
• Pluto
• Thompson twins from Tin Tin
• Superman

There were a couple of issues tho - the beds were not good - the bukhari's [Kashmiri type fireplaces/furnaces] would die out in the middle of the night but by far the worst was the lack of running water at most times. The not taking a bath really upset a lot of people's equilibrium including mine as I think for most of us, the morning bath is a ritual which sets your day and having to do even the menial tasks like brushing your teeth, washing your face and going to the loo with bottles of water [even if they were mineral] is disconcerting. Basically I figured, Highland Park which is a heritage hotel [I think from the 'Colonial Raj'] is not equipped to deal with a group of 55 descending on it at a single time - they were really inflexible on timings be it for tea, dinner etc. Apparently, the Hill Top hotel down the road was better, I think it was newer so it had central heating and round the clock water - isn't that wonderful? Really I never thought that hot water would mean so much to my existence.

That gives you a brief peek into my week which ended with a rather nice meeting in Delhi which should translate into some good business achievements. I landed in Mumbai at 12, reached home at 12.30 after an exhausting 4 days and what's the first thing I did? You guessed it!! had a hot shower! I am also sunburnt only my face since that's the only part of me that was exposed but like in a triangle of like my nose and my upper lip area. Go figure - if anyone can explain why that shape, please tell me since I used a sun block as well - SPF 50 that too.

P.S. I collated all the pictures now so if you know me, they should be up on facebook within the next 24 hours!

I could not get sleep last night which explains the previous post and post that I continued surfing a long while. I have been interested in finding out about fashion marketing courses and I finally took the time to study the website of the Parson's school of design and they have this fantastic course called the AAS in Fashion marketing which is an accelerated course for people who have been to college etc [which would be me considering I come armed with an MBA] but get this! the course costs $50,000!! Now I'm reasonably sure I like fashion and I would like to work in it, but a 20 lac loan sure?? I'm not so sure!

Which again brings me back to my constant dilemma - I don't hate what I do but I certainly don't love it but I don't know what I would love to do - I don't have a vocation - calling nothing -I like clothes - check - I like movies - check - I like writing - check - I like life - check - I like TV - check but there is no underlying force which says to me 'Get off your lazy ass and do this! NOW'.

My issue currently is I'm going to be 27 this year, this is the last year possibly in which I can say , I chuck it - I'm going to give something a shot never mind the money never mind the life etc etc. Post this, I hope I will be planning a life with someone in addition to what msn entertainment insists on calling them 'ankle biters'!! So I don't think I will have the inclination to chuck it all up and do soemthing completely different. This is it, people, My make or break year - I just pray I have the guts to follow through. I have finished my 3 years of working post the MBA which is the goal I had set for myself and now the world is my oyster. It helps that I was not adequately commended at work making it that much easier to distance myself and look at other options.
If anyone has any thought on what I should do, please let me know. The things I am interested in are reading, travel, fashion, movies, television so if you know of anything I should move into please share it with me - money is a slight issue but not enough to stop me - no matter how much I make, I seem to be broke in any case so let the money flow out!

Time and Tide wait for no man

I had decided to not write about the minutiae of my daily life here - and keep it as a record of my views and opinions of which I have lots but I have had such a hectic 2 weeks - I have not had time for any views/opinions of my own or any thought for that matter.

It started with a trip to Delhi maybe over 2 weeks ago which resulted in me chugging out proposal after customised proposal for the rest of the week. Then suddenly appraisals were dumped on me which did not go well in my opinion. I had a fantastic year numbers wise as I have mentioned before finishing my annual target 2 months before schedule but was really pulled up in my appraisal - One for lack of meetings/calls/business generation , second mainly for my lack of systems and processes and thirdly for lack of enthusiasm and zest. On the other hand I was praised for my interpersonal skills in 9 areas of work but when you actually check the scale I have 9 strengths and 11 weaknesses so....

Then Valentine's day happened which was an unmitigated disaster - I can summarize by saying that after at least 12 years of cribbing about not having a boy on Valentine's day - I still spent the evening at home.

Then came the meetings in Bangalore followed by rounds and rounds of meetings with agencies since we have a slew of launches and novel events happening on the work front. So the last couple of days have been spent customising proposals for these especially since Come Monday - we leave for our annual conference in Gulmarg, Kashmir for 3 days where apparently they have not heard of the concept of mobile network at least not Vodafone!

Following which, I go from there straight to Delhi for a very important client meeting so really stretched myself over the last month but the feeling is good - at least the constant feeling of lethargy has left but the dissatisfaction with my choices remains.

Gulmarg, Kashmir is a high point to look forward to - random people I have met in planes, trains etc have told me that it is fantastically beautiful!!Having never been so far north - furtherest I have travelled has been to Rohtang pass from Manali, where the snow was like ice, I am looking forward to the experience and hoping I don't freeze my ass off since it's -5 degrees during the day. Another point to note is that the theme party this year is 'Pixie dust' and we all have to come dressed like Fairy tale/cartoon characters. My original choice was Sneezy, one of the seven dwarfs since you could seriously call me that but too boring, Super girl was also a choice but Wednesday seems easiest since you can still bundle up and not have to bother about the cold!

My parents are none too happy about this tho since Kashmir is still a hotbed of terrorist activity and why take chances? I don't think the freezing temperature helps it much since we all know how well I react to the cold. But as my mother admits, if you gotta go, you gotta go - not much safety in traveling by the good ol' Mumbai local either - remember the bomb blasts in July '07? My neighbour Sanford was just going about his daily life when it was abruptly over. I know people who have been in the London underground just before those attacks. Nowhere in the world is safe - just ask Petra Nemcova who lost her boyfriend in the Indian ocean Tsunami in the super popular holiday destination of Thailand. I agree, no point taking unnecessary risks but even when you don't take them, death calls. I reiterate, if it's your time, you will get taken.

P.S. - the old saying as a title seems apt, no?