U know it's time to move on when even fear ceases to motivate you!!

Math lesson of the day!

Possibilities of Travel:

• Hong Kong over the Dussehra weekend with the boy on his way back from Bali
• Vienna with the boy again - with the option of stopover in Zurich/Amsterdam/Paris
• Goa in October with MT friends
• Goa over the Diwali weekend with S and company
• Also option of traveling with parents

Probabilities of going: 0
No money, No Travel - I'm starting a relief fund for me - please feel free to contribute anytime.

Single and not ready to mingle.....

is how I spent all my teenage years and most of my 20's as well. Apart from a small non relationship last year [which seemed mega at the time], the boy is the first boyfriend I have ever had. I think this is the reason I don't have so much drama or angst in my life - I'm not actively looking for the relationship to come and bite me in the ass. I know people who constantly express surprise at the contentment they feel in the current relationship but that's because they are used to wanting to escape the confines of the ties or readying themselves for the next bout of battle. Don't get me wrong - I thought I was ready to mingle and in fact looked to mingle and would be extremely upset at times at the not mingling but I was not ready for another person to come and disrupt my life. I was extremely happy with the freedom singledom gave me - I holidayed many places with no encumbrances and no guilt - I went out with many different groups and also with lots of boys. In fact, I've had some experiences which should count as very romantic, letters with poetry written for me, walks on a moonlit beach, calls at 2 am, calls every day but will talk about that later. I always had a singular male friend who was my protector or designated dropper at any given time but nobody to whom I had to report. I may have missed out on Valentine's day and New Year's was also a bummer since these are specific romantic occasions but on the whole, I had a really fun time.

Which is why, I suppose, it still shocks me that I can't just make plans when I feel like with who I feel like because I am now responsible in way to another human being whose life is intrinsically linked with mine but who also has a life of his own.

Till Death do us part....

....the death referred to in the vows in today's case is the death of the relationship! All around me, I seem to viewing broken marriages - I believe I've blogged before about how the workplace has an unusually high number of divorced people but since then I've heard of a lot of marriages break up and I suppose it really hit home when a friend of mine announced semi seriously that she was thinking of leaving her husband. It just reinforces my belief that waiting to get married is not necessarily a bad thing - it makes you really sure of who you are as a person so you don't suddenly discover yourself a couple of years down the line and realise you are no longer fitting in to the half you have chosen. Essentially, in my mind that's it!! You choose to be one half of a whole - all decisions, all thoughts need to be shared and it makes it much easier if you come with your own views. I think in this case though, I'm definitely an idealist - my family's great marriages have obviously given me a rose coloured view of what really exists. My mother's great problem is that people don't give it a shot - they opt out for what she thinks are minor difficulties. I disagree in that I don't think affairs or physical abuse are the only reasons to opt out of a marriage - if a mistake has been made, a mistake has been made - and I don't see why you should spend the rest of your life tied to a person you have nothing in common with. I've also realised that it takes some adjusting to live with a person and if you don't learn how to deal with the smaller problems or if you ignore them thinking why fight over such a small issue, when the big one comes along, it blind sides you and you are left floundering coz you don't have the training to tackle it! There are so many reasons that people can't work out relationships and I know it sounds like I'm passing judgement on getting married early but it's not that - I think my problem is with getting married too soon - I agree if you started dating someone at 16, at 24 you need to take the relationship to the next level - you can't meander in the same state forever!! Not that I think that all divorces are necessarily acrimonious - it's just that I've never met anyone who thinks divorce helped them be a better person!
I suppose all this is coming from the fact that I am somewhat under pressure to get married by next year end and this is not a comfortable timeline for my already married once better half and I think it's not worth the effort to try to anticipate a tentatively agreed date when all around me I can see the not so succesful results of unions!

Random musing: Age 26

I haven't much felt like writing even about the holiday - I'm basically going through a period of lethargy which is extending it's tentacles to all aspects of my life!

However, I did discover one thing that age 26 is not a good age for a lot of people. I think girls associate the age of 26 as really landing into adulthood and therefore at 16, or as a schoolgirl you saw that age as a time of stability - with a good job and a good man with all the trauma and drama of the teenage/young adult years behind you. Ka-boom! Realisation: It's not that much different - in fact in some cases it's worse coz you know you don't have the luxury of time - at least not in the way you did at 16. A decade of life seems to have disappeared and we still ask ourselves the same questions - am I meant to be doing this? Am I meant to be going in this direction? Which direction is this going??!! Having this discussion with a friend, I am just grateful that particular stage has passed when everything in life seems to be in flux and I want to tell her that it does get better - decisions do get taken but I think it's a stage everybody needs to walk through themselves to show you that plans and dreams don't always turn out the way you think!

We also realised that my generation has the attention spans of flies - the boy has been in the same job for 10 yrs as a couple of people in the organistation but a lot of people I know have the urge to move jobs just for change. I don't know if it's a good sign that we are willing to take the risk or does it just show a lack of focus/interest? I'm fairly certain that you should not stay in the same place for years as you will stagnate but maybe you don't need to move as soon as you get comfortable either!! and the scary part is that for either extreme, money is not the motivating factor!!It's the ease I feel - for the loyalists, they love the feeling and for the jumpers, they need the challenge of a new environment!! Quite strange but the latest Elle has an article on the same issue!

Home Sweet Home!

Before I recap the holiday, I am going to recap all that is wrong with me - it seems to me that on a holiday,my body goes on a break as well so I am just like falling to pieces.

• Skin issues - sunburn & hives
• Teeth - mouth ulcer & gum swelling
• Regular allergies - sneezing

So did the doctor's rounds on the way back and im on internal anti histamines and external steroids for the skin, anti biotics for the teeth since I'm having them extracted!! Yay! Now that I have finished bitching, I can go on a bit to the actual holiday which was quite fantastic. I know this because, in spite of all my problems, for the first time in my life, I was not as grateful to be back as normal, I could have stayed on a bit more! Normally, I can't wait to get home and tho I missed the boy and the parents, did not miss the actual house for once and did not need to look out of the window in awe at Bombay when we land and did not breathe a sigh of relief to be home!
To start already, Hong Kong as usual was fantastic - but this is mainly due to the God mother and her daughter. The daughter is a bundle of joy and I swear you want to eat her - I was telling R that she should send her daughter to S for cuteness lessons - this is not to imply that R's kids will not be cute but S is just so cute.....espescially at night, when her hair is not tied up in many little braids and it's her last burst of energy, she just is enchanting!!
Anyways, this time in HKG, I did a little bit of sightseeing other than the markets and shops! I went to the peak, I admit later than I wanted but HKG by night is still a very pretty sight and I also went to Stanley which is like a little seaside fishing village type place -very quaint - it reminded me a bit of Fisherman's wharf in San Fran but since I did that very many years ago, I may be slightly fuzzy in memory! I do remember the yummy clam chowder tho but sorry, I'm talking about a different holiday here! I did do quite a bit of shopping again but mainly hung around the house a lot - playing with Samara and chatting with the girls till late at night about really arbid things that have no impact on anyone's life!
* I have decided to post this coz it's been getting saved for 3 days - I will do Vietnam with pictures later!

Xin Chao!

It's only been 2 days but already I've seen a world heritage site and eaten the most amazing food so I can't wait for the other 8 days remaining! Halong Bay is just stunning beautiful - the calm water, the limestone formations - I was too chicken to swim after being warned about the massive jellyfish but still awesome - the only thing was the 3 hr bus ride there and back for jsut 4 hrs there but still definitely worth it! There are some phenomenal pictures and a video but will edit all that when I get back! till then....google!
The people on the tour seem nice tho predominantly from the southern hemisphere - NZ, Oz and SA as well. I'm the lone ranger from a country above the equator - Sorry! the tour guide is from France so with all the different accents, I'm barely talking.
Looking forward to a more relaxed day today with a massage, water puppet theatre,a cycle tour of vietnam and of course - SHOPPING! I am going to make a list of all the things I bought and then if I go shopping during the rest of this year - kill me!